Paradise Piggies: Game Change With The Pie Man.

August 2, 2015 Munchkin

Welcome to MGNews, sponsored by Casa Mascia Apothecary. Mr. Arnold Wang has been shamelessly coined the “Pie Man” because of his desire to literally make all the piggies in the gated community of Paradise Pastures into guinea pig meat pies. This week, MGNews PrimeTime Sunday, offers Mr. Wang the chance to speak out.

Here is an exclusive interview with Mr. Arnold Wang:

MGNews Reporter: Mr. Wang, thank-you for taking part in this interview with MGNews PrimeTime Sunday. Tell us, are you going to make meat pies out of the piggies?
Mr. Wang: Yes, I am. Not only will I make them into delicious pies but I will also make them rich!
MGNews Reporter: How will you make them rich?
Mr. Wang: I will take a portion of the guinea pig community and sell them “on the hoof” for instant cash sales. Furthermore, some of these piggies can be sold off as pets.
MGNews Reporter: How will you the guinea pigs profit from this?
Mr. Wang: I will build more breeding units for Paradise Pastures.
MGNews Reporter: Mr. Wang, you sound like quite an entrepreneur, do you think you sell yourself enough to become Mayor?
Mr.Wang: Definitely. We need pragmatism. We need money. As soon as the piggies realise that they exist only for the sake of making money, then they will come round to my way of thinking.
MGNews Reporter: Thank-you Mr. Wang. We wish you luck in your campaign.

Money, Money, Money For Paradise Pastures.

What the Experts Say:

Mr. Richie Rich is a successful cattle farmer in Belize:

This is the way to go. I certainly agree that the animals exist only for money-making and profit. It makes no sense to have them around for no other reason. Money always makes sense. The Guatemalans and the Mexicans will certainly bring in their Guinea Pig Trailers to buy them “on the hoof.” And if Mr. Wang wishes to add a higher value to his guinea pig operation, then he can consider his own brand of meat pies and sausages.

Ms. Melina Bottomley is a marketing expert from New York:

Marketing will be the way to go for Mr. Wang right from the get go. 50% of his profits should go back into marketing of Guinea Pig Pies. The marketing blitz is all that counts to clinch this sale. Newspapers, Radio, Television, The Works! He needs an angle though…mmm..probably “grass fed” and “organic” are words he should be using. Not to mention that the piggies are “free range” or “free voting” or whatever. This will work!

Brendan Beamer is an owner of a large chicken operation in Belize:

If it’s not chicken, he won’t be able to sell it!

Edgar Simpson is an ordinary bloke on the street:

Pretty intimidating…especially with the gun. Not sure if the piggies can handle such aggression. They might want to hire someone from Human Resources.

Casa Mascia. Supreme Pet Soap, Maximal Velocity Soap.

Well, the Pie Man is certainly very confident with his economic forecast. Is this what the Piggies want on Paradise Pastures? Do they want to be bred for profit and no fun? Will he get their votes?

Tune in again next week to MGNews PrimeTime Sunday. 6pm Central/ Mountain Piggie Time.

Remember, it’s only Funday if you make it PrimeTime Sunday!

Amusing, Belize, Farming, Our Products, Pets, Plants

Big Rain, Lime Sulphur Bottling and Lemon Peels.

August 1, 2015 Munchkin

Hi Everyone. This morning, poor Gnome woke up with a terrible crick in his neck. Despite this pain, he soldiered on since the weather was looking good…a bright sunny start and we were ready for a big clean up with brush-mowing and coconut palm cleaning!! All of a sudden, grey clouds gathered and blocked out the sun and we had a down-pour at 8am this morning.

And, so the place is still looking bushy:

Gnome took solace in making some more Pet Sulphur and Lime Dip:

Gnome really likes the smell of sulphur; he says he feels cleansed and invigorated from the fumes.

We received a re-order for our new pet product which is used to treat mange, fleas, ticks and ringworm:

We have decided to recycle old beer bottles to make the product really cheap and affordable. And, so when we went to the Farm Store in Punta Gorda last week, the manager said to Gnome,

“I’d like to order some more Presidente, please!”

Despite removing all the tell-tale beer stickers from the bottle, the farm store manager and workers still recognised the Presidente branded beer bottle! This is a picture of Gnome bottling the Sulphur-Lime Dip…now, also known as Presidente!

Anyway, we tried to keep busy. We harvested our lemons and put them through this cool citrus peeler, which the locals usually use for oranges.

I dry the peel and use it for flavouring of food such as stews, stir frys, soups and of course, limoncello Also, in the process of peeling, we can catch some essential oil from the peel…about 1ml for every 4 lemons and so to get 30mls(1oz) you need 120 lemons in total! Just goes to show the value of a tiny bottle of essential oil…the quantities of biomass never ceases to astound me!

Have a lovely Saturday night!!

Belize, Fermentation

Beef Jerky and Chilli Mead Tasting.

July 31, 2015 Munchkin

It was so hot today!! What a change from the rains…now we are starting to worry about our water situation because we still do not have a well-pump. Gnome says we are on Red Alert which means that we have to use water judicially and some frog spawn will be have sacrificed as we use up our collection of buckets.

Anyway, I am onto the Beef Jerky and Chilli Mead (having guzzled down all the Resurrection Metheglin, which I found most profoundly enlightening). If you will recall, we decided to make a mead out of beef jerky (ended up being black pepper beef jerky) because there is a traditional ale recipe made with rooster (cock). If you don’t remember that, perhaps you might remember Gnome’s cock jokes which everyone politely ignored! Let us don our evening wear to do the tasting:

I have shortened the name of this mead to “BJ” for Beef Jerky (I have to spell it out because Gnome thought it was something else). Munchkins have a clean mind!!

Beef.Jerky.Pepper.Metheglin — Beef Jerky and Chilli Mead.

Colour is light amber with some cloudiness. No head but ample small bubbles can be seen.

Smells very mildly of home-made beef soup with a background of spiciness.

The beef jerky lends a very well-rounded taste like a good soup that has had time to cook and absorb flavours. There is a mild hot after taste from the chilli and black pepper (if you ask me…I would like more chilli with the next batch).

Excellent. Totally love the heat and soupiness of this mead. Definitely a favourite!!

By the way, Gnome does not drink because he has “Yang in his liver” which gets him all heaty . Every time he even has one drink, he gets pimples and piles (poor Gnome). I have to balance the “fire” with really simple cooling foods like rice, tofu and cucumbers (which he dislikes). So he said that he would rather give up drinking than eat boring food like that!

Thank-you Gnome For Your Fermentation Magic!

Amusing, Belize, Farming, Fermentation

Jungle Farm and Resurrection Metheglin Tasting.

July 30, 2015 Munchkin

Hi Everyone!! We have been so busy well, with life that the grass has grown up with all the rains. The jungle has all of a suddenly sneaked up on us and bang…we feel like we are living in the middle of the bush. Aaarghh!! Can’t see anything for the tall grass and humongous weeds (here in Belize, they are not mere dandelions…they grow into monster plants)!!

It is time for a big mow and tidy up. Gnome agrees with me too.

However, we have one slight problem. The weather is not co-operating!! It is pouring down!!

So, instead of farm stuff let us move swiftly onto a metheglin tasting. During our EasterTime madness, Gnome had made a Resurrection Metheglin with the following flavourings: liquorice root, star anise and Ligusticum wallichi, also known as Chuanxiong Rhizoma in Traditional Chinese Medicine and also as Szechuan Lovage. The star anise and liquorice root add that sweetish, unctuous and mouth-coating flavour while the Rhizoma adds a more earthy, complex and spicy aroma that has hints of fennel and celery.

Resurrection.Metheglin.Herbs — Liquorice Root, Star Anise and Szechuan Lovage.

Colour is golden yellow and effervescent; medium sized bubbles with good fizz. Slightly cloudy. No Head.

Smells like a lager.

The first sip is thirst-quenching when served at a cold temperature. It is mild tasting with anise and celery-like under-tones. The herbaceous flavour is light and crisp, adding a refreshing feeling to the overall taste. The liquorice is not detectable so for next time, we will add more of this.

Very Good!!

So good that Munchkin has a confession to make. There are no more bottles left…they have been systematically guzzled down …slowly…one a day (56 bottles in total). She just had the last one today and so felt that it was time to do a “tasting” before the Resurrection Metheglin was sadly a thing of the past.

Belize, Food

Fun Lunch Stop and Many Police Stops.

July 27, 2015 Munchkin

Hi Everyone!! We are back. The truck has brand new universal joints so it no longer makes that funny creaking noise at the back. We feel so much better for not hearing the truck groan and complain! We had a much nicer time once we started on the road again, driving down the Southern Highway, away from Belize City.

We stopped at the Taiwanese Store, outside of Belize City. Everytime, I go there, I always point at things in a curious way and ask the owners what they are and how to cook them. This is because a lot of food is not labelled or labelled in Chinese only. This time, the owners were having lunch and offered to share some of it with us.

We were most honoured by their generosity, and as we ate, the lady pointed to the various food packets and condiments to explain to me the ingredients which she had used. In typical Chinese teaching fashion (this is how I learned to cook from my mum), they told me to taste the dishes so that I could mimic the flavours through memory.

The Taiwanese couple are vegetarian so most of their food is soya-based (bean curd mostly) with plenty of fresh greens and vegetables and rice as the staple, of course. In this instance, they used dehydrated beancurd as a main protein source, in different sizes, to give various textures and consistency. The greens that they were eating were sweet potato greens. They also cooked some of their own fresh bamboo shoots. The food was delicious and had the taste of home-cooked Chinese fare. The couple was also rather impressed by Gnome’s use of chopsticks and general Chinese etiquette (Gnome, the Chinese Wannabee).

Here are the various types of dehydrated tofu. I will write more about these in another post. The different shapes and sizes give the appearances of different cuts of meat. For instance, the small stringy ones mimic the consistency of minced (ground) meat. I never considered being a vegetarian before this but I could definitely handle eating this food everyday.

I spotted some dried Lion’s Mane Mushrooms, Hericium erinaceus; also known as Monkey Heads. This one will have a future post, I promise you!

Anyway, back on the road, there were road works on the Highway from Belize City to Belmopan. There was even road congestion and a small traffic jam in Belmopan (wow…never seen before…the country is developing).

There were numerous police stops presumably because the country is on nationwide alert for the wanted man, El Chapo (the “notorious Kingpin”), who recently escaped from a Mexican prison by digging a one mile tunnel out to escape. Sounds like something out of a movie, doesn’t it?

We used “Rabbit Ears” mostly as our hailing signal on the road. Protection to All!

Homeward bound, we saw a veritable bounty of white goods on a pick-up truck. One Fridge, One Freezer, 2 Mattresses and an Amoire. What an auspicious find.

Once we hit the Toledo, the road was definitely quieter with no police stops within the district. Definitely the “Forgotten District.”

Homeward Bound in Toledo. Note: Bag of Craboo.

Amusing, Belize, Fiction, Pets

Paradise Piggies: Piggies in Focus.

July 26, 2015 Munchkin

MGNews PrimeTime Sunday bringing you the latest news on the Mayoral Elections 2015, Paradise Pastures. We give you the News that matters…the tears of joy, the tears of sadness, the ups and downs of the Paradise Piggies. This week, MGNews puts the focus on the piggies. Let’s take a trip down to the gated community to ask the residents what they think of the three candidates.

Mr. Arnold Wang a.k.a “The Pie Man.”

Mr. Game Change promises economic action in Paradise Pastures. Piggies should be bred for meat pies or pets in order to promote profit, confidence and usefulness in the community.

What the Piggies Say:

Grandma Stumpy: He is certainly a scary looking man, no doubt about that.
MGNews Reporter: What do you think of his policies?
Grandma Stumpy: His what? Say that again, son, I’m a bit tone deaf…

Matilda Piggie: He makes me want to run into a mound of grass and hide…weeeeeee!!
MGNews Reporter: Would you vote for him?
Matilda Piggie: I suppose if he scared me enough I would vote for him…

Magical Rodent a.k.a “Mad T Mouse.”

Magical Rodent promises to take the cavy community “where no cavy has gone before.” She aims to lead the Piggies back to the wild to breed a Super Being Guinea Pig to rule over Homo sapiens. Power to the Piggies!

Power To The Piggies! — Piggies, Destiny Awaits! Or I Will Eat My Hat!!

What the Piggies Say:

Grandma Stumpy: Universe’s Super What? Dat fi True?

Matilda Piggie: Wow…she wants to breed us into a Super Piggie! She is scary too!

Dishawn Piggie: Hmmm…I always felt that we, Cavia porcellus, had more potential as a species. Her complex hybridisation program is worth more research. Having descended from the domesticated species Cavia tschudii, we cavies would certainly find it a challenge to become wild again but it doesn’t mean that it is not a possibility.

Mayor Gnome a.k.a “El Diablo Blanco.”

Mayor Gnome has taken a decidedly tough stance this year. His empathy and sympathy has been replaced by “Tough Love.”

What the Piggies Say:

Grandma Stumpy: Oooh, I always vote for Mayor Gnome!
MGNews Reporter: Why?
Grandma Stumpy: He’s a right handsome young gnome, that’s for sure!
MGNews Reporter: And his policies?

Gorgeous George Piggie: What’s happened to MG, eh? Tough Love, eh? More like Tough Luck! He’s turned into a right evil bugger!

Matilda Piggie: He is scary too!!!

Dishawn Piggie: He doesn’t even have a party manifesto. What a Joker!

Juanita Piggie: I fear that something bad has happened to Mayor Gnome…no compassion and no love. He is dark and moody…where is the old, happy MG? (She makes the sign of the cross…she is a Catholic Piggie).

MGNews Reporter: And the policies?

All Piggies in unison: The What?

Well, there you are. We have Mr. Pie Man, Mad T Mouse and El Diablo Blanco.

How exciting…what a bunch of Cronies we have this year for The Mayoral Elections!

Who’s it going to be?? Tune in next week. MGNews PrimeTime Sunday. 6pm Central/ Mountain Piggie Time.

Funday Sunday: All The Fun You can Stand. 9 more weeks and counting!!

Belize, Food, Mushrooms

Secret Gnome Stuff: Unveiled.

July 25, 2015 Munchkin

A couple of weeks ago, Gnome was doing “Secret Gnome Stuff.” It was some sort of mound of cardboard, rotten grass and chocolate trash. He also declared that the Munchkin was not permitted to sniff around this top-secret Gnome business.

This week, it was unveiled!! Gnome had timed it perfectly to coincide with my Birthday week.

Paddy Straw Mushroom Peeking Out of Cardboard.

Da Gnome does it again…he has managed to grow a mound of paddy straw mushrooms. What a wonderful gift for a Munchkin…I feel so privileged!!

Also, Gnome is working on lacquering a gourd for me, which I will use as a water container. In the usual typical Gnome-obsessive fashion, he says that he is going to lacquer the gourd a total of fifty times to give it a perfect, finished appearance (plus he wants it to last forever!).

Also, he has decided to make a whole range of “Gnome Ware” dinner ware, made out of gourds as ongoing gifts for me. Wow…what a blessed gesture! After the water gourd, he will start on the miso bowls.

Now, that’s what I call Love!!

Amusing, Belize

Stuck in Belize City.

July 24, 2015 Munchkin

I am writing this post at 10am today and I have scheduled this to come up later this evening. We are waiting for our car service (that part was done over-night) and now the replacing of an array of ball-joints and universal joints. If you can recall a previous post from two weeks ago, we had complained of all sorts of funny creaking and screeching noises emitting from the rear of the truck. We did come to the conclusion, in our professional opinion, that it was a “God-Knows-Watsit-Joint-Problem.” So here we are, stuck in Belize with really slooow Internet. We also stayed over-night at a hotel in Belize City with virtually no Internet (although they boasted Free WiFi). I now feel better about our really bad Internet access; I always thought it was due to the fact that we lived in the middle of nowhere. No, it actually appears that the problem is across the whole country, regardless of location.

Anyway, I am not that bothered about the Internet being slow. It is not as if my life depends upon it and that I will fade into nothingness without the distractions of a computer screen in front of me. Although, I have seen some people react in such an irrational way…I am not sure what emergency emails they are basing their whole existence upon.

I am hoping that we can get out soon. The waiting is really tedious with bad television (we haven’t watched television for 20 years). The adverts get really ridiculous; seems like everything is marketed to the hilt and sensationalised. Also, the law firm adverts are really scary…makes it sound like you can get sued at any moment. Boy, I am so glad that I live in Belize with no television. It is a simpler life out here.

Let’s hope we can get out of Big City soon so that we can get on with our schedule. So far, no schedule has been fulfilled!!

We did see a fridge on a pick-up yesterday. Didn’t get a picture because it zoomed straight pass us I fumbled about looking for the camera!

Belize, Farming, Food, Saving Money

Sun-Dried Green Bananas.

July 22, 2015 Munchkin 2 Comments

Between the two of us, 172 bananas in this huge bunch, is quite a bit to get through.

This bunch was so heavy that it broke off the tree and we found it on the ground on Saturday morning. If you want to eat green bananas, you have to start eating them quickly, or else they start ripening within 7 days.

Luckily, the weather has been hot and dry this week, so I have been able to process the bananas for sun-drying.

This is what I have been doing the last three days. I have been grating them with this neat grater that I found in the Taiwanese store near Belize City.

The grated bananas just need a full 8 hours in the sun to dry completely. I have been processing 50 bananas a day which fills up a gallon jar once dried.

So, by the end of today, I will have three gallon jars of dried banana. In my experience, each jar is equivalent to 20 meals and so in total, I have 60 meals in all. That is what I call food security!

Dried banana can be re-hydrated to make porridge, rostis, fritters, fillers for sausages, vegetarian bean burgers and much much more. Furthermore, this dehydrated stuff can be ground into fine flour for making breads, biscuits and pastries. This dry form is so versatile! I will post up recipes as I start cooking with it.

One last thing…this big bunch of bananas would retail at about $20 (USD$10) in this country. $20 gets you two meals of rice and beans with stewed chicken, which is typical Belizean food fare. To me, it really makes a lot more sense to go through the extra labour of processing the food so that I can get 60 meals out of it all. It’s also a labour of love…home-cooked food is always the best!

Belize, Farming, Food

Pan-Fried Green Bananas.

July 21, 2015 Munchkin 4 Comments

We have got a lovely big bunch of green bananas. I counted…172 bananas in this bunch!! Wow, what a lot of food!!

I have been cooking up Pan-Fried Green Bananas:

I used the local spices Tumeric and Chilli Powder (bought from Punta Gorda market, Toledo) to flavour the dish.

We had a yummy Sunday Brunch with these bananas:

Tuna and Avocado with Pan-Fried Green Banana.

This is a great way to eat unripe bananas; they make a hearty and satisfying food. Definitely a tasty way to chomp your way through bananas especially when you have 172 of them!!

Everything Handmade in Belize.