Category Archives: Amusing

The Kipple Box.

Gnome.With.Box

The word Kipple was first coined by Philip K Dick in “Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep.”  This is the definition:

It refers to the sinister type of rubbish which simply builds up without any human intervention. Eventually, one day, the entire world will have moved to a state of kipplization.

Well, we have a Kipple Box which contains a whole load of crap that we refuse to throw away.  We dearly cling onto the stuff as if our very lives depended upon them!  Hey, at least it’s just a box…I am sure everyone has kipple lurking in the dark recesses somewhere… perhaps in the drawer, the cupboard, the bedroom or even the entire house!  It is an insidious monster that invades and pervades every nook and cranny!

The Kipple Box.
The Kipple Box.

Every now and then I sort through the box and have a good laugh at the useless rubbish that we are holding onto.  Here are a few pictures:

Casino dice from the old days when we played Craps all night:

Craps Casino Dice.
Craps Casino Dice.

Chinese ear buds with the scoopy bit..

Chinese Ear Picks.
Chinese Ear Picks.

I asked Gnome over and over again,

“What are these?”

He wouldn’t explain himself, rolled his eyes and muttered,

“It’s just kipple.”

What Are These?
What Are These?

Hair stuff…bought them about 8 years ago and never used them!

Hair Accessories.
Hair Accessories.

This has never been used before either:

Old Style Razor.
Old Style Razor.

Trapping Wires?!

Trapping Wires.
Trapping Wires.

Water sensor for the broken water pump:

Water Sensor.
Water Sensor.

Hmmm…someday they might come in useful….

There was a whole lot of other stuff including old batteries, spectacles, a strop and a badger-hair shaving brush, dental floss, plastic razors, etc, etc.

Well you know what I did.  I put them all back into the box and said to Gnome:

“Well you never know…don’t want to throw anything away just in case.”

Gnome calmly ignored me and said nothing.

Gnome.at.Desk

On Eating Hericium Erinaceus…

Red.Bean.MunchkinI wasn’t sure how to title this post because this particular mushroom has so many names including: Lion’s Mane Mushroom, Bearded Tooth Mushroom, Satyr’s Beard, Bearded Hedgehog Mushroom and Pom Pom mushroom.  In Asian cuisine, it is known as Monkey Head Mushroom.  I have never found this particular mushroom in the wild but luckily for us you can obtain it in the dried form from the Taiwanese Supermarket in Belize City.    For a long time I had avoided these mushrooms because I did not know how to prepare them for cooking.  The Chinese person at the supermarket would look about me dubiously (because I kinda look like a Chinese person but act like a “white person”) and shake her head at me,

“…you know how to cook?  If you don’t do it right, it taste bitter…”

Well, this time, the Chinese person in me broke through and I was determined to try these tasty treats!

This is what it looks like  once it is soaked in water.

Soaking.Lion.Manes.Mushroom

I did some research on the preparation and basically you just need to soak the dried mushroom in water for about an hour until it gets soft.  During this time, you keep on changing the water until it turns clear.

After that you can cut it up into pieces and cook it anyway which way you want…sauted in butter, Chinese-style, in soups and stews, etc, etc.

I’ll be posting up some new recipes with Hericium erinaceus over the next few weeks so watch this space.  I did my first test cook by sautéing it in cacao butter with onions and garlic:

Sauted Lion's Mane.
Sauted Lion’s Mane.

The verdict:

“It’s tasty!  It tastes like chicken!!”

Yum.Yum.Gnome

I replied by saying,

“Oh, but…on the Internet, they say it tastes like “beef!”

Does It Taste Like Chicken or Beef?
Does It Taste Like Chicken or Beef?

Paradise Piggies: School Of Life!

Another Meeting With Mayor Gnome.
Another Meeting With Mayor Gnome.

The Paradise Piggies are totally hogging the Blog space with their adamant requests to re-locate to the Monastery.  Mayor Gnome is building a Zen Garden to house the Zazen Duckies that have a genuine desire to meditate on the meaning of life.  In the last post the Piggies were trying to convince Mayor Gnome of their noble lofty values in a bid to move to the Monastery.  But somehow their message lost momentum when Treshawn requested having a baby first and Bob requested growing organic tomatoes and Barbie gave a mixed message about love, light and Jedi Piggies.  Mayor Gnome told them to come back when they could decide on a clear and coherent philosophy.

Now this is what the Paradise Piggies have come up with.  They would like to start up a School:

School Sign.
School Sign.

They want to call it The School of Life and the purpose of this place is to teach the “dance of life.”  In order to convince Mayor Gnome of their spiritual desires, they did a public demonstration with their best dance piggie.  This is Johnnie Daybreeze, dance piggie extraordinaire:

The Dance of Life.
The Dance of Life.
Dance of Life 2.
Dance of Life 2.
Strike a Pose!!
Strike The Pose!!

They even had a tune to go with the dance…you need to listen to this and imagine this dance piggie prancing in front of you:

Any comments from Mayor Gnome?

“Hmmmmmm…I need to think about this.”

Anything else Piggies?

“Yes, Mayor Gnome just one more request.  Can we change our name to Jedi Piggies by deed poll?”

Novelty Jesus Packets.

Together.Eating

Another gift from our missionary friend which we have coined Novelty Jesus Packets.  On one hand, we are always grateful for the gifts bestowed on behalf of Jesus.  On the other hand, we are aghast at this type of processed food in a packet.  Each pack is supposed to hold one meal of pasta or rice.  We found out that you can buy these rinky-dink things for $5.00 Belize Dollars.  Do you know you can buy 5lbs of rice with that money?  Or, five packets of pasta?  Scary!!

Novelty Packets.
Novelty Packets.

We tried the Chicken rice one…apparently you have to add your own half chicken and 1/2 lb slab of Monterey cheese to complete the meal.  Am I missing something then?  What is the point in buying the packet when you have to buy all the ingredients for it?  Might as-well just buy rice, right?

We did attempt to cook it as a meal.  However, I did not have the chicken and cheese to go with it:

Packeted Meal.
Packeted Meal.

The original meal was supposed to be the rice portion on the upper left side.  I had to add the rest because it looked rather pale, anaemic and sorry-looking.  I added the greens to the rice to give it a bit of colour.  The eggs and bread were a “last minute” make-over because the rice meal lacked ooomph!!  Our verdict of the packeted rice:  very, very salty and no interesting or pleasing flavour.  Rather mundane.  Nonetheless, the gift still provided an experience that we would otherwise not have and so I can now be certain that we are not missing out!

Emergency Meeting With Paradise Piggies.

Mayor Gnome called an emergency meeting with the Paradise Piggies earlier in the day.  If you have been following the events, you will know that Mayor Gnome is in the process of building a Zen garden to house the Zazen Duckies.  The Paradise Piggies have made a special request to move to the Monastery.

Zazen Duckies Inspecting Zen Monastery.
Zazen Duckies Inspecting Zen Monastery.

Today Mayor Gnome explained to the piggies that the moving of their gated community of Paradise Pastures would be no mean feat as their home weighs a whopping 100kg (200lb).  This would entail the movement of their home across a distance of 100 yards!  He explained to the piggies:

A Very Serious Mayor Gnome.
A Very Serious Mayor Gnome.

“Piggies, you need to convince me that you are serious about your spiritual goals because moving your house to the monastery will be a lot of hard work…”

Are the piggies ready for the next move?  These are a few answers from members of the Paradise Pastures community.

Treshawn Piggie:

Mother Piggie.
Treshawn Piggie.

“I’m ready…just need to have a baby first…”

Bob Piggie:

Georgie Piggie.
Bob Piggie.

“I’m ready…spirituality is the most important thing in my life but I need to grow some mmm…organic tomatoes first.”

Barbie Piggie:

Fifi Piggie.
Barbie Piggie.

“Yes I know I am ready and it is time to take the next step.  Yay…I want to be a Zazen Piggie!  It is all about being Jedi, right?  With the way of the Piggie, I will find the way…love and light.  The force is strong in this one…WEEEEEEEEE!”

In amongst the general piggie noise of squealing and squawking, these were the most intelligible answers that Mayor Gnome managed to get.  This was his reply:

“Piggies, you don’t seem know what you want.  Come back to me when you can all agree on a spiritual goal!”

Mayor Gnome.
Mayor Gnome.

“Jedi Piggies, huh?  Hmmmm…..what next?!”

Emergency Piggie Meeting.
Emergency Piggie Meeting.

What’s Up Piggies?

What’s up Piggies?

Paradise Piggies.
Paradise Piggies.

The Piggies came out today to view the Zen Garden for the Zazen Duckies.

Zen Garden For Duckies.
Zen Garden For Duckies.

This is a public statement from the Paradise Piggies in the gated community of Paradise Pastures:

“Can we come too?  The jungle resort isn’t working out for us…a meditation retreat might be the answer.  Weeeeeee Weeeeee Weeeeee!!”

Mayor Gnome was asked to comment on this request:

Gnome.Writing.in.the.Library

“The piggies have to have serious intent to practice meditation.  This is not a weekend retreat, workshop or seminar….”

Piggies what do you say to this?

Paradise Piggies.
Paradise Piggies.

“Oh, just looking for a weekend reboot.”

 

Fruits in Season.

Munchkin.Shouting

There is always something new to harvest on the farm.  Right now, the mulberries have just started.

Mulberry Tree.
Mulberry Tree.

I will be collecting this fruit to make our very popular Mulberry Elixir.  The final product is a beautiful dark purple colour and it has a lovely, rich berry taste.

This one is a local fruit called monkey cap.  It has the consistency of peanut butter and is much-loved by the birds.  For all bird-lovers out there, this is one to plant if want to attract all the birdies with pretty colours.  The toucans like this one.

Monkey Caps.
Monkey Caps.

The monkey cap tree also makes a nice ornamental for those into landscaping.

Monkey Cap Tree.
Monkey Cap Tree.

Oh, and last but not least…we got our first soursop of the year.  Everyone in Belize loves this fruit.  I can’t give it justice by describing it but it has a kind of wet cotton-like consistency with a unique tropical fruit taste.  I asked Gnome to help me describe the flavour and this is what he said:

“Well…it tastes like a soursop!”

Gnome.at.Lunch.Table

Well, Thank-you Gnome…that was extremely helpful!!

Big Soursop.
Big Soursop.

The farm keeps on producing!!

Doggie Update.

More.Bloody.Boots.Munchkin

This post is especially for two special ladies who were the previous owners of the doggies that we have on our farm…yes, you know who you are!!

Overweight Doggie.
Overweight Doggie.

We will start off with our Fat Doggie who can’t stop stuffing her face.. she likes to forage around the farm and eat copious amounts of fallen fruit and coconuts.  She is a whopping 88lbs in weight now!!  In an attempt to get her weight down, I have been feeding her a low calorie diet of rice, beans and green vegetables once daily only.  I have also been restricting the meal to half the usual amount.  She has been coping well with the new diet although, I do have to confess that she does whine and complain a fair bit.  No doggie treats allowed right now!

Oh, and this is Mad Doggie…

Mad Doggie.
Mad Doggie.

She is the one that used to eat walls and so her owner was forced to find a new home (our farm) for her.  After a whole string of mad and frenzied farm animal killings, she has calmed down considerably over the years.  We attribute some of these changes to self-therapeutic toad-licking  and the judicious use of a training collar.  Now, she can run around on the farm without attacking a single animal and she responds to commands.  Phew…we nearly gave up on her at one point but fortunately we have managed to train here.  Sit…good doggie!!

Celebrating With Vernaccia!

New.Munchkin.Gnome.Yellow.BootsWe had our usual town day today and then stopped off at the hardware store to purchase one connector and a roll of teflon tape.  These were two crucial pieces that were missing in the air-lift pump construction that stopped us from completing the full Gnome-Rig yesterday.

Gnome put the missing piece in and switched on the air-compressor.  There was a moment of silence as we stared at the pipe coming out of the well.  All of a sudden there was the glorious sound of water shooting out of the pipe…YAY!!!  Hip Hip Hooray!!  Respect To The Gnome.  He Gnome-Rigged an air-lift pump all by himself!

We Have Water!
We Have Water!

And then at Gnome’s finest moment, the clouds gathered together above our house with the inevitable Sod’s Law rain.  Ha-Ha!!

Rain Clouds.
Rain Clouds.

We celebrated with a glass of vernaccia; Gnome says that this particular wine that he has made tastes like local (vernacular) Sardinian wine which has a sherry like quality.

Vernaccia in Glasses.
Vernaccia in Glasses.

Mmmm…what a lovely way to celebrate. A little bit of sunshine in a glass.

Gnome Premonitions.

Gnome.Another.Glasses.Shot

This morning Gnome woke up with a start.  He had a furtive look about him like a squirrel and his eyes were kinda bulging as he said,

“I know it!  We will find the air-compressor in PG!”

I processed his statement in with a pinch of salt as I tried to shake myself out of my sleepy state.  I yawned and then cheekily replied with,

“Oh, Neo Gnome…has the oracle spoken?”

In the back of my mind I was thinking that he was just trying to find any excuse not to take the three hour drive to the city to procure this contraption for our well-pump.

He said it again,

“I know it!  It’s at Mac’s!”

I yawned and patiently said slowly,

“How do you know that?  Where?  We’ve never set foot in that shop before…”

With conviction in his words, Gnome said,

“I can feel it…”

I rolled my eyes with my usual derisive Chinese woman look and thought to myself…oh to live with a sensitive Italian Gnome who can “feel” things…what next.  I didn’t believe him but I thought it best to humour him.

And so off we went into town and enroute, I made him go into every hardware store to look for a portable air compressor.  I wanted to delay the inevitable…the disappointment and then the long tedious journey to Belmopan.  None to be found and the last place was Mac’s Shop which is a little run-down shop selling mostly second-hard hardware.  The road was blocked so we had to make it on foot.  Guess what we saw as soon as we entered…

Portable Air Compressor.
Portable Air Compressor.

Gnome rushed over the machine and said out loud,

“There it is!  I told you!”

Well, there it was and there was no denying that he was right.  Gnome’s premonition was correct.  I laughed to myself and thought…all this solitary time in the bush must be activating secret Gnome powers…Ha-Ha.  I’ve been watching too many crappy Super-hero movies!!  If Hollywood ever make a film about Munchkin and Gnome, in the bush, developing special powers, I want Maggie Q to play me!  Too Funny.

Anyway back to reality…

We now have a portable air-compressor and Gnome is putting together all the bits to make the Air-lift pump..

Gnome Rigging Bits.
Gnome Rigging Bits.

He has been messing around with PVC pipe, hoses, bits and pieces and stuff (oh, how technical of me) all afternoon:

Getting The Pipe Down.
Getting The Pipe Down.

Nearly accomplished but we are missing a connector.  So, watch this space for the next thrilling installment!  Will Munchkin and Gnome get their well-pump working again?  Will they be able to do it before all the water runs out?  Oh the thrills and spills of living on a farm!!  Oh, and what if Gnome really has super-hero powers??