Tag Archives: Mayor Gnome

Paradise Piggies: Campaign Blitz!!

September 6, 2015 Munchkin

MGNews PrimeTime Sunday are proud to bring you the latest news on The Mayoral Elections 2015, Paradise Pastures. We bring you the facts only so that you the viewer can decide for yourself. The fate of the nation of Paradise Piggies will be decided on the 21st of September 2015. Let’s take this week to give all the candidates a chance to have their say and opinion on their fellow candidates.

Mr. Arnold Wang, The Pie Man.

Any Piggie Failing to Comply To Meat Pie Regulations, Gets Metal Pie!

The Pie Man Delivers…

I will only say this once…I am THE PIE MAN. No Pizza Delivery here.

Pie or Die:

Piggies and Mozzarella Pie, would you like fries with that?

What the Candidates Say:

Mayor Gnome:

There is certainly no stopping Mr. Arnold Wang with his fancy talk and fancy gun. It’s the gun that’s talking if you ask me!

Magical Rodent:

Piffling idiot human. The Universe’s Super Being Piggie will rid this world of scum like him.

Magical Rodent, Mad T Mouse.

The magic is within all of us…

May the force be with all Piggies!

Illumination awaits…

Prepare to excavate to your Freedom!

What the Candidates Say:

Mayor Gnome:

She’s a Rat with Balls of Steel!!

Mr. Arnold Wang:

If they have no money, how are they going to survive? You can’t live on madness and fresh air.

Mayor Gnome, El Diablo Blanco

Pathetic Piggies R Us:

Do my bidding, piggie puppets:

Piddly Piggies, vote for Mayor Gnome:

Tuff Luff, Nuff Said.

What the Candidates Say:

Mr. Arnold Wang:

He’s a bit harsh, isn’t he? He needs to lighten up a tad.

Magical Rodent:

Puny Gnome!! We will take over the Gnomes too with Super Piggie!

MGNews has given the candidates the chance to air their views and opinions. What a bunch of bright, intelligent and thoughtful candidates we have this year for the Mayoral Elections 2015, Paradise pastures.

Piggies, it’s all up to you!!

MgNews PrimeTime Sunday. 6Pm Central/ Mountain Piggie Time.

Tune in next week for The International Viewers Poll. Giving you the chance to vote!!

Funday Sunday, Family Entertainment All-Round! Unbeatable Classic Fun.

Amusing, Belize, Fiction, Pets

Paradise Piggies: Mayor Gnome, The Dichotomy of Good and Evil.

August 30, 2015 Munchkin

This is MGNews PrimeTime Sunday bringing you the latest in the Mayoral Elections 2015, Paradise Pastures. Last week, we brought you the inside story on Mayor Gnome’s dark and secretive past.

Tonight, we bring in the panel of experts to discuss and analyse Mayor Gnome’s inner struggle with good and evil.

Dr. Timothy Beedley MD, Psychiatrist.

In my medical opinion, I believe Mayor Gnome is suffering from the eponymous syndrome first described by Neilson and Freedman in 1962; The Neilson-Freedman Syndrome has been popularly coined the “Bad Boy Syndrome” by popular media. To put it in Layman’s terms, a “good boy” from a stable, loving family background of medium to upper socio-economic status suddenly loses self-confidence and enters into a deep depression plus/minus delusions or hallucinations. He then joins a social group of young men with “challenged upbringing,” usually of low social economic status. In order to form a bond with this group, he must perform deeds of initiation. These “rites of passage” may involve breaking the law. Mayor Gnome may possibly have suffered from this syndrome when he was oversesas in Australia. The Gnome reference is most likely delusional associated with depression. The recent mood instability of Mayor Gnome has probably been triggered by stress over the up coming Mayoral Elections. I surmise that he is suffering from a delayed Post Traumatic Syndrome related to specific traumatic events in his past.

Mayor Gnome is as much a Gnome as I am an Elf. There is no such thing as a Gnome…or an Elf, for that matter.

Dr. Gerald Walker, Anthropologist and Expert on Gnomes.

Author of the “The Anthropology of the Gnomus Species” and the best-selling popular series “It’s A Gnome’s World.”

Gnomes do exist; maybe not in our human physical plane but they do exist on a different level. I have amassed enough cultural information and richly woven stories to form an intricate understanding of Gnomes. Most of the stories come from human culture, passed from generation to generation through many thousands of years. Details may change, but the constant thread is the existence of these creatures and their character traits remain faithful to them despite the scourges of time and differences in location and story-teller. The stories of the Aboriginal Gnomes of Australia date back tens of thousands of years. They are the oldest surviving race of Gnomes and their stories are ones of stupendous feats over space and time where they commune with Dreamtime spirits of the Outback. It is popular fiction that these Gnomes are aggressive, abusive simpletons. The truth is that that they have superior intellect and knowledge. If Mayor Gnome was actually fortunate enough to have been accepted by these Gnomes, then I take my hat off to him. It is my concern that during that time, he may have communed with a “difficult spirit” which is now the cause of his inner struggle.

Phew…that’s all very, heavy stodgy stuff!! A bit too hard to digest for MGNews especially when it’s PrimeTime Sunday Family Fun and not The Science Channel! Let’s bring in the piggies and ask them about Mayor Gnome’s troubles.

Good Old Grandma Stumpy:

I think that everything is getting a bit out of hand. Mayor Gnome is a Gnome…end of story. Why do you have go digging into his past? We piggies don’t care about the dichotomy whatsits…we care about Mayor Gnome. Stop stirring the wooden spoon, son!

Matilda Piggie:

Mayor Gnome will come good. I can feel it…he makes me gurgle!

Dishawn Piggie:

MGNews is the source of all the malcontent amongst our community; they continue to feed us with mis-information and mis-direction in order to trash our minds and intellect. Enough is enough…I am going underground with Mad T Mouse.

Oscar Piggie:

Boy, what a mad bunch of candidates…with a magical mouse, a gun-wielding maniac and a gnome-gone-crazy . Mad T Mouse is the best of the bad bunch and we haven’t got many screws to work with.

Gorgeous George Piggie:

My money’s on the meat pies.

Juanita Piggie:

No comment. Makes the sign of the Cross (Catholic Piggie).

Mayor Gnome has made himself unavailable for comment. He did however say to MGNews,”Bugger off, Leave me alone!”

What a cheek! Anyway, tonight’s special was brought to you by MGNews PrimeTime Sunday. 6Pm Central/ Mountain Piggie Time.

Next week, more campaign blitzing from all candidates. The heat is on…only on MGNews PrimeTime Sunday.

Amusing, Belize, Fiction, Pets

Paradise Piggies: The Mysterious Past of Mayor Gnome.

August 23, 2015 Munchkin

Good Evening, this is MGNews PrimeTime Sunday bringing you the news on The Mayoral Elections 2015 of Paradise Pastures, hot off the press. Only 4 more weeks to go and we are all biting our nails with anticipation! Tonight, we give you the amazing inside story on Mayor Gnome.

Natasha Hayes, our MGNews International Correspondent brings this special report from The Outback of Australia:

As we all have come to understand, Mayor Gnome has travelled far and wide, across the continents. The background is hazy but it seems that he spent a significant amount of time in continent of Australia. Reliable sources tell me that Aboriginal Gnomes may exist in the Northern Territory and so that’s where I went on this fact finding information. I spoke to some Aboriginal people who corroborated the information that Gnomes do exist in this rainforest terrain. They are described as hostile and aggressive creatures but on rare occasions, they do initiate non-aboriginal Gnomes into their community. We do know that Mayor Gnome spent some 2 to 3 years in that area. We can only speculate that he was in collusion with Aboriginal Gnomes.
This is what an elderly aboriginal man from the Long grass told MGNews. To protect his identity, we will come him Scott:

“…Aboriginal Gnomes…they fast and aggressive. They hide in the shadows and when the sun glints in your eye, the come out like a burst of wind. They take your mind and your heart. Oh, I seen men go crazy, crazy for days with sorrow and woe from these Gnomes. They bad, terrible creatures. I heard a story, many years ago, there was one white gnome among them, as fierce as the rest. His name…The White Devil… I can’t tell you anymore. I fear I have said too much already…”

This is ground breaking news brought to you by MGNews. The facts all add up: A White Gnome in Australia called “The White Devil” and now, Mayor Gnome of Paradise Pastures has been dubbed “El Diablo Blanco.” Is this a coincidence? Is Mayor Gnome’s past catching up with him? One shudders to imagine the hideous, macabre deeds that he may have got up to with these Aboriginal Gnomes.

Thank-you Ms. Natasha Hayes for such an insightful report. Well, we are all flabbergasted and at a loss for words. What a shocking inside story!!

What does the community of Paradise Pastures think of Mayor Gnome’s mysterious past? There were no piggies available for comment today because they were all too busy eating…

Next week on MGNews PrimeTime Sunday, we speak to the panel of experts about this amazing revelation. 6Pm Central/ Mountain Piggie Time.
You just can ‘t afford to miss MGNews next Sunday!!

Amusing, Belize, Fiction, Pets

Paradise Piggies: Better The Devil You Know?

August 16, 2015 Munchkin

Welcome back to MGNews PrimeTime Sunday brought to you by Casa Mascia Apothecary. This week we talk exclusively to Mayor Gnome himself. He’s hoping for a re-election for 2015. Let’s see what his campaign is all about.

MGNews Reporter: Your excellency, Mayor Gnome, thank-you for agreeing to have this interview with MGNews. Tell us more about your New Look Campaign “Tough Love.”
Mayor Gnome: Kindness can be too soft and no results are gained from this. I am trying the mean and tough aspect to get Paradise Pastures back into shape.
MGNews Reporter: Some people think that you have had a personality change and you have been dubbed as “El Diablo Blanco”…what do you say to that?
Mayor Gnome: If people think I am Evil, then so be it!(HaaHaaHaa…rubs his palms together and laughs maniacally). El Diablo Blanco sounds super cool…good, good. (nods his head approvingly).
MGNews Reporter: What are your new policies for Paradise Pastures?
Mayor Gnome: I don’t have any.
MGNews Reporter: Why?
Mayor Gnome: Because those piggies are too stupid to understand anything and I don’t care! HaHa!! (more maniacal laughing).
MGNews Reporter: Well, thank-you Mayor Gnome for your disarming honesty. I suppose I could say that it was quite refreshing since you don’t get much of that in the world of politics. I wish you the best in your re-election campaign.
Mayor Gnome: HaHa!! (lots of cackling and tossing back of head).

What the Experts have to Say:

Dr. Munchkin (DRCOG), Medical Doctor of Paradise Pastures:

In my professional opinion, I feel that Mayor Gnome is suffering from a disorder known as “Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.” He is prone to fluctuation in mood and he appears emotionally unstable. He is also cackling a bit too much. I would recommend a that he takes some sick leave but it is virtually impossible for him to do so at such a critical election time.

Mayor Gnome’s Mother, an authority on her son’s personality:

Oh, I am sure he’ll be right…yes, yes, he is cackling a fair bit. He just needs a good cup of tea and those chocky biscuits (the orangey ones…jaffa cakes…that’s what he likes) and he’ll be as right as rain!

Archie Eagles, ordinary bloke on the street:

He’s as mad as a hatter. He’s not fit to raise a cactus let alone raise a bunch of guinea pigs!

Pedro Choc, another ordinary bloke on the street:

I like his bad ass attitude. Mayor Gnome rocks!!

Casa Mascia. Quite Possibly The Best Soap in THe World.

Well, there you go. The Doctor is worried, the Mother wants to give him a cup of tea and he is loved and hated by the people on the street. What is really going on with Mayor Gnome?? Next week, we bring you an exclusive inside story on Mayor Gnome. Maybe that will shed some light onto his personality change.

Don’t miss it…next week on MGNews PrimeTime Sunday. 6pm Central/Mountain Piggie Time.

Sunday Funday starts with MGNews. You better Belize it!!

Amusing, Belize, Fiction, Pets

Paradise Piggies: Piggies in Focus.

July 26, 2015 Munchkin

MGNews PrimeTime Sunday bringing you the latest news on the Mayoral Elections 2015, Paradise Pastures. We give you the News that matters…the tears of joy, the tears of sadness, the ups and downs of the Paradise Piggies. This week, MGNews puts the focus on the piggies. Let’s take a trip down to the gated community to ask the residents what they think of the three candidates.

Mr. Arnold Wang a.k.a “The Pie Man.”

Mr. Game Change promises economic action in Paradise Pastures. Piggies should be bred for meat pies or pets in order to promote profit, confidence and usefulness in the community.

What the Piggies Say:

Grandma Stumpy: He is certainly a scary looking man, no doubt about that.
MGNews Reporter: What do you think of his policies?
Grandma Stumpy: His what? Say that again, son, I’m a bit tone deaf…

Matilda Piggie: He makes me want to run into a mound of grass and hide…weeeeeee!!
MGNews Reporter: Would you vote for him?
Matilda Piggie: I suppose if he scared me enough I would vote for him…

Magical Rodent a.k.a “Mad T Mouse.”

Magical Rodent promises to take the cavy community “where no cavy has gone before.” She aims to lead the Piggies back to the wild to breed a Super Being Guinea Pig to rule over Homo sapiens. Power to the Piggies!

What the Piggies Say:

Grandma Stumpy: Universe’s Super What? Dat fi True?

Matilda Piggie: Wow…she wants to breed us into a Super Piggie! She is scary too!

Dishawn Piggie: Hmmm…I always felt that we, Cavia porcellus, had more potential as a species. Her complex hybridisation program is worth more research. Having descended from the domesticated species Cavia tschudii, we cavies would certainly find it a challenge to become wild again but it doesn’t mean that it is not a possibility.

Mayor Gnome a.k.a “El Diablo Blanco.”

Mayor Gnome has taken a decidedly tough stance this year. His empathy and sympathy has been replaced by “Tough Love.”

What the Piggies Say:

Grandma Stumpy: Oooh, I always vote for Mayor Gnome!
MGNews Reporter: Why?
Grandma Stumpy: He’s a right handsome young gnome, that’s for sure!
MGNews Reporter: And his policies?

Gorgeous George Piggie: What’s happened to MG, eh? Tough Love, eh? More like Tough Luck! He’s turned into a right evil bugger!

Matilda Piggie: He is scary too!!!

Dishawn Piggie: He doesn’t even have a party manifesto. What a Joker!

Juanita Piggie: I fear that something bad has happened to Mayor Gnome…no compassion and no love. He is dark and moody…where is the old, happy MG? (She makes the sign of the cross…she is a Catholic Piggie).

MGNews Reporter: And the policies?

All Piggies in unison: The What?

Well, there you are. We have Mr. Pie Man, Mad T Mouse and El Diablo Blanco.

How exciting…what a bunch of Cronies we have this year for The Mayoral Elections!

Who’s it going to be?? Tune in next week. MGNews PrimeTime Sunday. 6pm Central/ Mountain Piggie Time.

Funday Sunday: All The Fun You can Stand. 9 more weeks and counting!!

Amusing, Belize, Fiction, Pets

Paradise Piggies: Candidates For Mayoral Election 2015

July 19, 2015 Munchkin

Good News for MGNews! We have managed to land ourselves the PrimeTime Sunday slot to bring to you the latest in the Paradise Pastures Mayoral Elections 2015. We have 10 weeks to go and counting. This week we have the pleasure of announcing the following candidates.

Mr. Arnold Wang. Campaign “Game Change.”

Money talks, money rules!! We need to make money from these piggies! I am looking at a game change; more money to the piggies, more money to the people, money in our pockets. These piggies need to be bred for food and/or pets. Why else do we have Paradise Pastures. For fun? No. Profit. Vote for me…I promise wealth and prosperity.

Magical Rodent. Campaign “Universe’s Super Being Piggie.”

Something deep inside of us knows that we can be something more. I am the Rodent to lead all the piggies out of Paradise Pastures and into the wild, to form an underground colony. Our goal: a breeding program to breed the “Universe’s Super Being” from guinea pigs. We will produce a supreme being of such intellect that we may one day return to the surface to rule over humanity and make slaves of these puny humans! Ha! Rodents Rule!!

Mayor Gnome. Campaign “Tough Love.”

The Piggies simply can’t do without me. They are naive and simple and need to be caged in like little animals because they lack the brain capacity to survive on their own. Vote for me. Security for the placid and the weak!

Mayor Gnome’s New Campaign is completely out of character this year. No more Mr. Nice Guy. It’s Mr. Tough Guy!!

So, there you are. Who is it going to be folks…looks like it will be a close one! Tune into MGNews next Sunday PrimeTime for more exclusive election news. 6pm Central/ Mountain Piggie Time.

Don’t Miss The Most Talked About Election of 2015!!

Transform your Sunday into a Funday, only with MGNews!!

Belize, Fermentation, Food

Home-made Miso Tasting.

July 18, 2015 Munchkin

Hello there every-one!! Hope you are having a good day. Today, I have two miso tastings from the time when we “were mad about the beans” and made buckets and buckets of home-made miso.

The Shiro Miso: has a higher proportion of white rice to bean (we used blackbeans instead of soya beans since we live in Belize). We have actually been eating through our supply for the last month or so and I was afraid that I would munch my way through it all without doing some proper feed-back.

Shiro Miso Tasting:

Gnome says: overall, it is a light fermentation product; will continue to build complexity with aging. Less salty, sweet and mild tasting.

Munchkin says: I have used the shiro miso in soups, marinating of meat and to flavour pot roasts. All flavour packets have been replaced with a dollop of shiro miso (in fact, we have ramen noodles with this miso). It is so mild tasting, you need a whole tablespoon in a bowl of miso soup.

Hatcho Miso with Beef Jerky: Miso made from bean (blackbean) koji alone. We also added beef jerky and black pepper to make it into “Meat Lover’s” Miso.

Meat Lover's Hatcho Miso. — Meat Lover’s Hatcho Miso.

Meat Lover’s Miso Tasting:

Gnome says: Obviously needs more time to develop but at this stage, still very, very tasty. Has strong mushroom overtones with meat undertones. Can do with more black pepper. Will certainly reach an exquisite taste and will peak in ten years or so. A true masterpiece that has to be waited for.

Munchkin says: Beefy!! Let’s start eating it!! Yum. So rich and creamy. This miso has such intensity of taste, you only need one teaspoon to make a bowl of miso soup.

There is nothing like home-made miso…you can’t buy it for love nor money!!

THIS IS A PAID ADVERT!!!

TOMORROW, ONLY ON MGNEWS PRIMETIME SUNDAY.

WE WILL BE ANNOUNCING THE CANDIDATES FOR THE MAYORAL ELECTIONS 2015, PARADISE PASTURES.

6pm CENTRAL/ MOUNTAIN PIGGIE TIME.

DON’T MISS MGNEWS!!

Amusing, Belize, Farming, Fiction, Pets

Paradise Piggies: Dark and Ominous Beginnings.

July 10, 2015 Munchkin

This morning, due to heavy rains, the maternity wing of the Paradise Pastures guinea-pig gated community was not inspected. Early afternoon, the maternity ward was found wet and sodden due to a leakage from a faulty water bottle.

All bedding was wet and most importantly, one baby was lying in the wet grass suffering from hypothermia. The piggie was found by Dr. Munchkin (DRCOG), who had come to the facility to conduct a ward round.

Baby Rogelio was rushed to SCPU (Special Care Piggie Unit) for intensive care.

Hypothermic Piggie in Paisley Suite. — Hypothermic Piggie in Douglas (SCPU) Suite.

Despite all due care and attention, the baby was not able to be resuscitated and died at 3pm this afternoon. Mother Matilda must now be brave and strong to give her best to her remaining two babes.

When asked to comment, Mayor Gnome declined. Apparently, he was out of office and is currently on the road starting his re-election campaign.

This sad event brings ominous dark tones to the beginnings of the Mayor Election Campaign.

What does Grandma Stumpy have to say about all this?

Stumpy: We’ll get through this…we always have. Since I was knee-high to a grass-hopper Mayor Gnome has always pulled us through. He won’t let us down this time…

We hope for her sake and the community of Paradise Pastures, that she is right.

The Paradise Piggies must soldier on despite the unbearable loss…what does the future hold for Paradise Pastures?

Amusing, Belize, Farming, Fiction, Pets

Paradise Piggies: Close Call For Mayor Gnome!

July 9, 2015 Munchkin

On Wednesday morning of this week, Mayor Gnome called an urgent meeting to discuss a serious maternity issue. After the last blunder with the homeless baby piggies, he has been extra cautious with decision making for the gated guinea-pig community of Paradise Pastures.

The problem was this mother piggie…look at the size of her! A young teenager, in her first pregnancy, 10 days past her estimated delivery date.

Mayor Gnome called in the Dr. Munchkin DRCOG (member of the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists) for her expert opinion on the matter.

This is what Dr. Munchkin said:

Here in Toledo, Belize there are no facilities available for induction of labour simply because of the small population of this area. The council would have insufficient funds to maintain such a facility. I have examined the young mother and she has an unfavourable, unripe cervix and three foetuses can be felt high up in the uterus and at present, there are no signs of her going into labour. Since this is the first pregnancy for this mother, she would be categorised at high risk so I would recommend an urgent elective c-section.

Mother Matilda was admitted into the Susan B Anthony Maternity wing for observation with a view to a c-section scheduled for Thursday morning.

I tell you what…Mayor Gnome must have been praying ALL night for a miracle because…

This morning, Matilda had a normal labour and gave birth to three sprightly new babies. Cor Blimey…it’s a Piggie Miracle!! As soon as the babies’ bums were licked, Mayor Gnome whisked the babes off into the Paisley Suite for a photo shoot:

Dr. Munchkin was seen shaking her fist at Mayor Gnome! How dare he snatch these babies away from the mother at such a critical bonding time!

She marched into the middle of the photo shoot to take the babies back to their mother! What a scene…angry Dr. Munchkin with her bulging eyes and Mayor Gnome with his “Devil-May-Care” attitude!

What’s Mayor Gnome up to? Swiping these babies so quickly to get a picture?

TRYING TO WIN VOTES FOR….

THE MAYOR ELECTION 21st SEPTEMBER 2015!!! BE THERE OR BE SQUARE.

We have a sneaky suspicion that Mayor Gnome would rather not be square…

He Wants Piggie Votes...at any cost! — He Wants Piggie Votes…at any cost!

Is there a dark side to Mayor Gnome?

Amusing, Belize, Farming, Fiction, Pets

Paradise Piggies: Baby Blunder and Condo Cock-up!

June 29, 2015 Munchkin

It’s not all paradise for the piggies at Paradise Pastures presently. Mayor Gnome has found himself in the piggie line-of-fire as a rogue guinea-pig mother gave birth to babies outside of the maternity suite in the late hours of Monday night. In his defence, Gnome says that this mother has had a poor attendance record and had failed to book into the ante-natal clinic. As a result of this, two shivering little piggies were found wandering the streets of Paradise Pastures this morning.

In attempt to quell trouble and potential piggie up-rising, Mayor Gnome improvised immediately by putting the two homeless babies in a quickly constructed Special Care Piggie Unit (SCPU). The Douglas Suite:

Upon release from SCPU, the babies were re-united with their mother in the The Susan B Anthony Maternity Wing:

Mayor Gnome acted quickly. But was it quick enough? There is trouble brewing and this could be the start of something bigger. Mayor Gnome better watch out…there’s a condo shortage and we have an exclusive picture right here:

Not enough condos to house the piggies!! What does Mayor Gnome have to say about this? Destitution in Paradise Pastures…what next??

Mayor Gnome: We need a solution…or YOU ARE OUT!!

Everything Handmade in Belize.