The Story of The Mythical Mattress.

July 20, 2015 Munchkin

This is the story of The Mythical Mattress and it has a happy ending.

When we first moved to Belize, ten years ago, we bought a mattress. Not a super duper deluxe one by any stretch of the imagination but nonetheless it was fine enough. It was not great but what do you expect from a Chinese Munchkin on a budget?

Anyway, as the years went by in Belize, we started getting the farm into shape. Over these years, Gnome developed back pain partly because of his tall stature and also, because he is doing a lot of heavy lifting. He complained of twinges that lasted for a few days, went away for a few weeks and came back now and then. Early on, we did not put much emphasis on the matter since it never seemed to be a chronic, ongoing problem. However, probably in the last three years, Gnome has mentioned that the mattress had been exacerbating his back pain. In the last year, complaints have been of much greater frequency and fervour.

He was right, it was getting too old (a decade!) and it was sagging pathetically like a wet teabag. I finally got the message when Gnome started sleeping on a stack of duvets on the floor. At that point, I felt really guilty because I had ignored his pleas for a new mattress and had put other farm items on a higher priority purchase list.

Anyway, to make amends, I decided that I had to really go full out to buy the super, super duper deluxe model. Besides, I needed it to last so I naturally thought an expensive mattress would equate with quality and durability.I did my homework and read copiously on the subject of mattress types. After weeks and weeks of ploughing through forums, blogs and mattress web-sites, I was none the wiser. The opinions amounted to nothing because I found that for every mattress type there were people giving positive feedback and a similar percentage of people giving negative feedback.

I finally decided to purchase a memory foam mattress since this seemed to be the new innovation and there were enough rave reviews about them to offer me hope that Gnome might be relieved of his back problem. I wanted the best memory mattress that money could buy so I opted to bring one in from the States. Yes, I was prepared to pay for the shipping and duty for this blessed mattress to be delivered to Belize.

By that time, the idea of the mattress became much, much more…a promise. A Mythical Mattress to put an end to all our sorrows and woes. Perhaps even rid the world of war and famine…

Anyway, typically, time passed by in Belize and with shipping problems and freight delays, the mattress arrived 6 months from the date of purchase. I had ordered it in November 2014, hoping (stupidly) that it would be ready for Christmas. Meanwhile, Gnome was still sleeping badly on a stack of duvets on the floor. I slept on the saggy mattress feeling rather dejected; surprisingly, I could still get a good night’s sleep on it.

All that time, we built up the idea of The Mythical Mattress to enormous proportions. It would take away all our pain and suffering. Make us feel like spring chickens again. Perhaps even make us look 10 years younger…ha-ha!

In April 2015, the Mighty Mattress, that would solve all our problems, arrived. It was vacuumed packed tightly in a bag so that it was easy to transport. When we got it home, the bag was removed and out sprung our super super duper memory foam mattress.

Did the Mythical Mattress change our lives?

It has been about three months since then and this is the verdict: I am now sleeping on the floor, on the duvets, suffering from back pain from the memory foam mattress. Gnome is on the bed, tossing and turning, having not been rewarded yet with a good night’s sleep. We really tried to give it a chance but sorry folks, it’s like sleeping on saggy thick foam with no support. What a complete an utter Let Down!

So, why all the rave reviews? This new expensive mattress was worse that our 10 year old one. We went back to do research on the matter. After some reading, it donned us that memory mattresses are made of a specialised foam that requires specific temperatures (lowish at about 10 to 15 oC) in order to work optimally. We are in Belize, the Tropics, where our typical night time temperature is about 25 to 30oC!

The most likely reason why this mattress is giving us problems is because the environment is too hot. I am not a memory mattress expert so I don’t know if there are “temperate” and “tropical” memory mattresses tailor-made according to the average temperature of that country. So there in lies the our problem…we bought a memory mattress from a temperate country.

This morning, we had both had enough of the whole Mattress Shenanigans. We had dark circles under our eyes and back pain.

We drove down to Courts in Punta Gorda, in silence, and bought a brand new mattress. We hardly said a word to each other…we just knew that we had to put an end all our suffering and misery in one quick swoop.

This afternoon, Gnome had a trial sleep. He came out of the bedroom after a while and said, with a big grin, “Ahhhh!! I felt support on my back…I didn’t get any pain…what a relief!”

Yes, what a relief.

Shucks…all this pain and agony over mattresses and we bought a brand new one today inside of fifteen minutes!!

No more Mythical Mattress. This one is real!

Amusing, Belize, Fiction, Pets

Paradise Piggies: Candidates For Mayoral Election 2015

July 19, 2015 Munchkin

Good News for MGNews! We have managed to land ourselves the PrimeTime Sunday slot to bring to you the latest in the Paradise Pastures Mayoral Elections 2015. We have 10 weeks to go and counting. This week we have the pleasure of announcing the following candidates.

Mr. Arnold Wang. Campaign “Game Change.”

Money talks, money rules!! We need to make money from these piggies! I am looking at a game change; more money to the piggies, more money to the people, money in our pockets. These piggies need to be bred for food and/or pets. Why else do we have Paradise Pastures. For fun? No. Profit. Vote for me…I promise wealth and prosperity.

Magical Rodent. Campaign “Universe’s Super Being Piggie.”

Something deep inside of us knows that we can be something more. I am the Rodent to lead all the piggies out of Paradise Pastures and into the wild, to form an underground colony. Our goal: a breeding program to breed the “Universe’s Super Being” from guinea pigs. We will produce a supreme being of such intellect that we may one day return to the surface to rule over humanity and make slaves of these puny humans! Ha! Rodents Rule!!

Mayor Gnome. Campaign “Tough Love.”

The Piggies simply can’t do without me. They are naive and simple and need to be caged in like little animals because they lack the brain capacity to survive on their own. Vote for me. Security for the placid and the weak!

Mayor Gnome’s New Campaign is completely out of character this year. No more Mr. Nice Guy. It’s Mr. Tough Guy!!

So, there you are. Who is it going to be folks…looks like it will be a close one! Tune into MGNews next Sunday PrimeTime for more exclusive election news. 6pm Central/ Mountain Piggie Time.

Don’t Miss The Most Talked About Election of 2015!!

Paradise Pastures. — Paradise Pastures Mayoral Election 2015.

Transform your Sunday into a Funday, only with MGNews!!

Belize, Fermentation, Food

Home-made Miso Tasting.

July 18, 2015 Munchkin

Hello there every-one!! Hope you are having a good day. Today, I have two miso tastings from the time when we “were mad about the beans” and made buckets and buckets of home-made miso.

The Shiro Miso: has a higher proportion of white rice to bean (we used blackbeans instead of soya beans since we live in Belize). We have actually been eating through our supply for the last month or so and I was afraid that I would munch my way through it all without doing some proper feed-back.

Shiro Miso Tasting:

Gnome says: overall, it is a light fermentation product; will continue to build complexity with aging. Less salty, sweet and mild tasting.

Munchkin says: I have used the shiro miso in soups, marinating of meat and to flavour pot roasts. All flavour packets have been replaced with a dollop of shiro miso (in fact, we have ramen noodles with this miso). It is so mild tasting, you need a whole tablespoon in a bowl of miso soup.

Hatcho Miso with Beef Jerky: Miso made from bean (blackbean) koji alone. We also added beef jerky and black pepper to make it into “Meat Lover’s” Miso.

Meat Lover's Hatcho Miso. — Meat Lover’s Hatcho Miso.

Meat Lover’s Miso Tasting:

Gnome says: Obviously needs more time to develop but at this stage, still very, very tasty. Has strong mushroom overtones with meat undertones. Can do with more black pepper. Will certainly reach an exquisite taste and will peak in ten years or so. A true masterpiece that has to be waited for.

Munchkin says: Beefy!! Let’s start eating it!! Yum. So rich and creamy. This miso has such intensity of taste, you only need one teaspoon to make a bowl of miso soup.

There is nothing like home-made miso…you can’t buy it for love nor money!!

THIS IS A PAID ADVERT!!!

TOMORROW, ONLY ON MGNEWS PRIMETIME SUNDAY.

WE WILL BE ANNOUNCING THE CANDIDATES FOR THE MAYORAL ELECTIONS 2015, PARADISE PASTURES.

6pm CENTRAL/ MOUNTAIN PIGGIE TIME.

DON’T MISS MGNEWS!!

Amusing, Belize, Farming, Pets, Philosophy

The Nefarious Mr. Goosie.

July 17, 2015 Munchkin 2 Comments

That dastardly goosie has been casing me for the last couple of weeks; he knows my routine and most importantly, feeding times. He has learnt the art of stalking, infiltration and acquisition of stolen food.

Goosie Stalking; hiding in the shadows of two metal barrels, plotting and scheming away:

Goosie Infiltration and Acquisition of Stolen Chicken Feet:

Cheeky Bugger: Steals Chicken Feet From the Other Bowl Too!!

The Nefarious Mr. Goosie is stealing chicken feet from the dog bowls…whoever heard of a goose eating chicken feet?! I was led to believe that they only ate grass.

If you ask me, the removal of the Wart of Evil “didn’t do nothing” as they say here in Belize:

Mr. Goosie is still displaying evil and wanton traits. Gnome takes a philosophical stance and says that Goosie is the balance on our farm; he describes the fluffy ducks and friendly guinea pigs as the “Yin” of the “Yin and Yang” of our farm. He explains that Goosie has to naturally balance the “good” with his “bad.”

The Yin of our farm:

The “Yang” of our Farm:

Gnome advice to Munchkin: Be brave, Munchkin. Don’t run from goosie! Show NO Fear!!

Amusing, Belize, Fermentation, Food, Plants

On the Joys of Eating Craboo.

July 16, 2015 Munchkin

Yay…It is a craboo season! Gnome and I relish this time when we can sit together and polish off a huge bowl of this delightful fruit together…day after day until the season finishes.

We have some of these craboo trees (Byrosonima crassifolia) growing voluntarily on our land. The fruits are not mature yet, still at a small green stage. We have to keep a keen eye on them because the blackbirds (Carib Grackles) are scoffing off all our fruit (both unripe and ripe) as if there is no tomorrow. The cheeky buggers!!

Anyway, the taste of craboo fruit is like no other. They are red or yellow in colour, round and soft. The flesh is white and has a distinct unctuous cheese-like fragrance with a background of mild sweetness. They are truly umami and it is a wonderful taste experience.

To get the most of the craboo fruit, they require fermentation in plastic bags for a few days (1 to 3 days depending on the degree of fragrant cheesy flavour you would prefer).

A few years ago, we were given a handy tip by a Belizean who recommended that we placed our craboo fruit inside the car to allow maximal ripening of the fruit. So, you can recognise a true craboo connoisseur if they have bags of craboo sweating away in their car and they are totally non-plussed by the cheesy odour emitting from inside the vehicle.

So far, we have not found any fellow ex-pats who share our love for this unusual tasting fruit. The locals all seem to have the same feverish enthusiasm as us…I have seen Mayans buy ten bags at a time at the market. I have seen the way their eyes ogle at the fruit as they labouriously go through the bags of fruit, looking for the ripest ones. The job of finding the best tasting bags of fruit, becomes an obsessive task. I know this because I stand side by side with all these Mayans man-handling the bags of fruit as we vocalise our anticipation with “ooohs” and “aaahhs” and smile knowingly at each other. I feel that I have been initiated into an esoteric, sacred custom of Belize! Gnome says that liking craboo should mean that you have graduated successfully into a fellow local Belizean. It is a well-known fact that it is extremely difficult to get Belizean residency in this country…and there is apparently no logical system to follow in order to gain this status. Gnome has suggested that a bowl of craboo should be placed in front of applicants; if they are seen to be eating craboo fruit with great gusto like a local person, then they should be granted the Belizean status! Knowing all the expats down here in Toledo, I would say that, given this test, they would all be leaving en masse!

Belize, Food, Mushrooms

Leftover Greens, Jackfruit, Mushrooms and Guinea Pigs.

July 15, 2015 Munchkin

I have a plethora of photographs, taken at opportune moments which are used for the purposes of writing posts for this Blog. I try to use up most of the photos but sometimes some are “left-over.” So, here are some pictures that can hopefully tie up some loose ends.

I still have not had the chance to add on to the Belcampo Foraging Tour (eco-lodge in Toledo, Belize) which was conducted a couple of months ago. There will be more of this coming soon. Anyway, this is a picture of hierba mora found growing wild on Belcampo grounds. This is a tasty green leafy spinach-like vegetable which is similar in taste and texture to the local callaloo.

You can also buy a bunch of the cultivated variety of hierba mora at the market in Punta Gorda. The vendors use the name “callaloo” interchangeably between this and the Amaranth sp.(true callaloo).

This is another jackfruit off-shoot. I had mentioned in my main article on this fruit that the seeds were also edible. The seeds just need to be boiled for about 20 to 30 minutes until they are tender. In this instance, I boiled the seeds and then stir fried the seeds with sliced garlic and garnished the dish with spring onion (I threw in some left over cassava). Needless to say, the meal was tasty!

And, of course, I can write ceaselessly about mushrooms! We can’t get enough of fungus and we love eating them! Last week, we had spotted a whole load of lovely oyster mushrooms in somebody’s yard in Punta Gorda. We sliced and slow cooked them in butter. We have found that this is the best way to enjoy the delicate tastes of a wild mushroom.

Oyseter.Mushrooms.Beaty — Wild Oyster Mushrooms.

A couple of weeks ago, we stumbled across these mushrooms in our coconut plantation. We identified them as of the Russula sp.; many of the mushrooms of this family can cause gastric upset but none are known to be lethal. We decided to eat a test batch of these wild mushrooms…they turned out to be very good…and no stomach upset!

One more mushroom picture! I raved on about the bamboo pith (stinkhorn) a while back because it was a revelation to me that the Chinese cultivated this particular fungus to eat. Here are some fresh specimens ready for chopping in our soup:

Cooked bamboo pith has the texture of bubbly honeycomb with the firmness of agar. There is no distinct taste. We like them!

And last but not least. Matilda’s little piggies are doing fine. They are still in the maternity ward and they have started eating grass already. Everything on Paradise Pastures seems to be pretty hunky-dory at the moment. More on the Mayor Elections over the next few weeks!

Belize, Farming, Food

Curried Ripe Jackfruit with Lentils

July 14, 2015 Munchkin

Remember a couple of weeks ago we had the big baby?

And I had explicitly mentioned that all parts could be eaten…even the unformed arils:

Well, here is a recipe for this part of the jackfruit, which is usually discarded. I recommend that you do not eat this part raw because it still has some sticky latex attached to it. The best thing to do is to cook it and so this is a yummy recipe for Curried Ripe Jackfruit.

The ripe jackfruit caramelises nicely to compliment the mustard seeds, cumin, tumeric and paprika. Fresh curry leaves are used to enhance the flavour of the whole “sweet and savoury dish.”

We both enjoyed the curried jackfruit with lentils and agreed that NO part of the jackfruit should be thrown away!!

Amusing, Belize, Philosophy

The Tao of Belize: Car Hailing.

July 13, 2015 Munchkin

This is intended as an introduction to the unspoken customs of Belize. Car Hailing is a particular idiosyncrasy pertaining to the Toledo district, the southernmost part of Belize. If you ever go outside of the district, you will find that you can “car hail” amongst fellow Toledo people so it becomes even more esoteric and meaningful. Nevertheless, this is just a simple and friendly way of “saying Hello” to drivers on the road and it is of particular importance in such a small community where everybody knows each other.

Symbolism is a means of communication without words and so we have ascribed a name to each of the hailing types in order to give meaning to the gesture. Above all, it is just about having fun. So here are the Fundamental Five:

Rabbit Ears: Gentle but kind. Offers Protection to All on the Road.

Double Gibnut: Double Luck. Gibnut are solitary creatures and are rarely found in pairs.

Pointing Snake: Projection of Inner Knowledge.

Jaguar Paw: Respect to the Power of the Predator.

Upward Facing Dog: Companionship.

Car Hailing in Belize: Upward Facing Dog.

Ok, everybody, let’s start the car hailing revolution. Actions speak louder than words.

Amusing, Belize, Farming, Fiction, Pets

Paradise Piggies: Dark and Ominous Beginnings.

July 10, 2015 Munchkin

This morning, due to heavy rains, the maternity wing of the Paradise Pastures guinea-pig gated community was not inspected. Early afternoon, the maternity ward was found wet and sodden due to a leakage from a faulty water bottle.

All bedding was wet and most importantly, one baby was lying in the wet grass suffering from hypothermia. The piggie was found by Dr. Munchkin (DRCOG), who had come to the facility to conduct a ward round.

Baby Rogelio was rushed to SCPU (Special Care Piggie Unit) for intensive care.

Hypothermic Piggie in Paisley Suite. — Hypothermic Piggie in Douglas (SCPU) Suite.

Despite all due care and attention, the baby was not able to be resuscitated and died at 3pm this afternoon. Mother Matilda must now be brave and strong to give her best to her remaining two babes.

When asked to comment, Mayor Gnome declined. Apparently, he was out of office and is currently on the road starting his re-election campaign.

This sad event brings ominous dark tones to the beginnings of the Mayor Election Campaign.

What does Grandma Stumpy have to say about all this?

Stumpy: We’ll get through this…we always have. Since I was knee-high to a grass-hopper Mayor Gnome has always pulled us through. He won’t let us down this time…

We hope for her sake and the community of Paradise Pastures, that she is right.

The Paradise Piggies must soldier on despite the unbearable loss…what does the future hold for Paradise Pastures?

Amusing, Belize, Farming, Fiction, Pets

Paradise Piggies: Close Call For Mayor Gnome!

July 9, 2015 Munchkin

On Wednesday morning of this week, Mayor Gnome called an urgent meeting to discuss a serious maternity issue. After the last blunder with the homeless baby piggies, he has been extra cautious with decision making for the gated guinea-pig community of Paradise Pastures.

The problem was this mother piggie…look at the size of her! A young teenager, in her first pregnancy, 10 days past her estimated delivery date.

Mayor Gnome called in the Dr. Munchkin DRCOG (member of the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists) for her expert opinion on the matter.

This is what Dr. Munchkin said:

Here in Toledo, Belize there are no facilities available for induction of labour simply because of the small population of this area. The council would have insufficient funds to maintain such a facility. I have examined the young mother and she has an unfavourable, unripe cervix and three foetuses can be felt high up in the uterus and at present, there are no signs of her going into labour. Since this is the first pregnancy for this mother, she would be categorised at high risk so I would recommend an urgent elective c-section.

Mother Matilda was admitted into the Susan B Anthony Maternity wing for observation with a view to a c-section scheduled for Thursday morning.

I tell you what…Mayor Gnome must have been praying ALL night for a miracle because…

This morning, Matilda had a normal labour and gave birth to three sprightly new babies. Cor Blimey…it’s a Piggie Miracle!! As soon as the babies’ bums were licked, Mayor Gnome whisked the babes off into the Paisley Suite for a photo shoot:

Dr. Munchkin was seen shaking her fist at Mayor Gnome! How dare he snatch these babies away from the mother at such a critical bonding time!

She marched into the middle of the photo shoot to take the babies back to their mother! What a scene…angry Dr. Munchkin with her bulging eyes and Mayor Gnome with his “Devil-May-Care” attitude!

What’s Mayor Gnome up to? Swiping these babies so quickly to get a picture?

TRYING TO WIN VOTES FOR….

THE MAYOR ELECTION 21st SEPTEMBER 2015!!! BE THERE OR BE SQUARE.

We have a sneaky suspicion that Mayor Gnome would rather not be square…

He Wants Piggie Votes...at any cost! — He Wants Piggie Votes…at any cost!

Is there a dark side to Mayor Gnome?

Casa Mascia Apothecary