Reader’s Poll Results and Last Day before The Mayoral Elections 2015, Paradise Pastures!!
MGNews PrimeTime Sunday. We are all in a tizz!! We are soooo excited, we can’t contain ourselves. The suspense is killing us. We look back at all the campaigns, the thrills and the spills, the good and the evil, and twists and the turns, it has indeed been a roller-coaster ride all the way to Election Day.
We are proud to present to you the results of our Reader’s Poll.
Who is the best candidate?
Mayor Gnome 66.67%.
Magical Rodent 33.33%.
Mr Arnold Wang 0%
So, is the Reader’s Poll a reflection of the votes on Paradise Pastures?
We are literally on the edge of our seats…
Who is it going to be?
Arnold Wang, The Pie Man.Magical Rodent, Mad T Mouse.Mayor Gnome, El Diablo Blanco.
One More Week. 8 Days and counting. MGNews PrimeTime Sunday. Boy, we are keeling over with excitement.
Mayoral Election 2015, Paradise Pastures, 21st September 2015.
Mark the date on your calendar because it could possibly the most exciting day of the year! Tonight, we give the viewers the chance to vote in our Paradise Pastures Poll.
You can vote as many times as you like and you have 7 days to do it in. Get Your Votes in Folks!!
Will it be Candidate No.1:
Mr. Arnold Wang, The Pie Man.
Time For a Game Change Piggies!
He is a straight talking, fearless kinda guy who wants to make meat pies out of the piggies. Nothing wrong with a man trying to make his way in the world.
Will it be Candidate No.2:
Magical Rodent.
Ms. Maddy T or Magical Rodent or Mad T Mouse.
Wow, what a mouthful of names but she’s worth the name dropping because she promises to lead the Piggies to their new underground home. She will create the “Universe’s Super Being Piggie” from this community of Piggies and whatsmore, she wants to return to the surface to enslave the humans. A bold statement from an intelligent and thoughtful rodent.
Will it be candidate No.3:
Tuff Love. Nuff Said.
Mayor Gnome, El Diablo Blanco.
Looking for another term at Paradise Pastures. Tough Love Gnome needs no introductions. Even although he has gone through a sinister campaign change, the Piggies still admire his audacity and panache. Despite all the evil and darkness, his charm may prevail and he might just win on the strength of his good looks.
Start your voting now!! The Reader’s Poll for Paradise Pastures Mayoral election 2015 starts now. Be proud, be a part of it. Don’t miss out on your chance to vote.
MGNews PrimeTime Sunday are proud to bring you the latest news on The Mayoral Elections 2015, Paradise Pastures. We bring you the facts only so that you the viewer can decide for yourself. The fate of the nation of Paradise Piggies will be decided on the 21st of September 2015. Let’s take this week to give all the candidates a chance to have their say and opinion on their fellow candidates.
Mr. Arnold Wang, The Pie Man.
Any Piggie Failing to Comply To Meat Pie Regulations, Gets Metal Pie!
Metal Pie.
The Pie Man Delivers…
The Pie Man.
I will only say this once…I am THE PIE MAN. No Pizza Delivery here.
Pie or Die:
Come Get Your Pies!!
Piggies and Mozzarella Pie, would you like fries with that?
What the Candidates Say:
Mayor Gnome:
There is certainly no stopping Mr. Arnold Wang with his fancy talk and fancy gun. It’s the gun that’s talking if you ask me!
Magical Rodent:
Piffling idiot human. The Universe’s Super Being Piggie will rid this world of scum like him.
Magical Rodent, Mad T Mouse.
The magic is within all of us…
Rodent Magic.
May the force be with all Piggies!
Power to The Piggies!!
Illumination awaits…
Where No Cavy Has Gone Before!
Prepare to excavate to your Freedom!
What the Candidates Say:
Mayor Gnome:
She’s a Rat with Balls of Steel!!
Mr. Arnold Wang:
If they have no money, how are they going to survive? You can’t live on madness and fresh air.
Mayor Gnome, El Diablo Blanco
Pathetic Piggies R Us:
Prepare To Meet Thy Maker!
Do my bidding, piggie puppets:
Tough Love Piggies!
Piddly Piggies, vote for Mayor Gnome:
Vote For Mayor Gnome!
Tuff Luff, Nuff Said.
What the Candidates Say:
Mr. Arnold Wang:
He’s a bit harsh, isn’t he? He needs to lighten up a tad.
Magical Rodent:
Puny Gnome!! We will take over the Gnomes too with Super Piggie!
MGNews has given the candidates the chance to air their views and opinions. What a bunch of bright, intelligent and thoughtful candidates we have this year for the Mayoral Elections 2015, Paradise pastures.
This is MGNews PrimeTime Sunday bringing you the latest in the Mayoral Elections 2015, Paradise Pastures. Last week, we brought you the inside story on Mayor Gnome’s dark and secretive past.
El Diablo Blanco.
Tonight, we bring in the panel of experts to discuss and analyse Mayor Gnome’s inner struggle with good and evil.
Dr. Timothy Beedley MD, Psychiatrist.
Dr. Timothy Beedley MD.
In my medical opinion, I believe Mayor Gnome is suffering from the eponymous syndrome first described by Neilson and Freedman in 1962; The Neilson-Freedman Syndrome has been popularly coined the “Bad Boy Syndrome” by popular media. To put it in Layman’s terms, a “good boy” from a stable, loving family background of medium to upper socio-economic status suddenly loses self-confidence and enters into a deep depression plus/minus delusions or hallucinations. He then joins a social group of young men with “challenged upbringing,” usually of low social economic status. In order to form a bond with this group, he must perform deeds of initiation. These “rites of passage” may involve breaking the law. Mayor Gnome may possibly have suffered from this syndrome when he was oversesas in Australia. The Gnome reference is most likely delusional associated with depression. The recent mood instability of Mayor Gnome has probably been triggered by stress over the up coming Mayoral Elections. I surmise that he is suffering from a delayed Post Traumatic Syndrome related to specific traumatic events in his past.
Mayor Gnome is as much a Gnome as I am an Elf. There is no such thing as a Gnome…or an Elf, for that matter.
Dr. Gerald Walker, Anthropologist and Expert on Gnomes.
Author of the “The Anthropology of the Gnomus Species” and the best-selling popular series “It’s A Gnome’s World.”
Gnomes do exist; maybe not in our human physical plane but they do exist on a different level. I have amassed enough cultural information and richly woven stories to form an intricate understanding of Gnomes. Most of the stories come from human culture, passed from generation to generation through many thousands of years. Details may change, but the constant thread is the existence of these creatures and their character traits remain faithful to them despite the scourges of time and differences in location and story-teller. The stories of the Aboriginal Gnomes of Australia date back tens of thousands of years. They are the oldest surviving race of Gnomes and their stories are ones of stupendous feats over space and time where they commune with Dreamtime spirits of the Outback. It is popular fiction that these Gnomes are aggressive, abusive simpletons. The truth is that that they have superior intellect and knowledge. If Mayor Gnome was actually fortunate enough to have been accepted by these Gnomes, then I take my hat off to him. It is my concern that during that time, he may have communed with a “difficult spirit” which is now the cause of his inner struggle.
The Dichotomy of Good and Evil.
Phew…that’s all very, heavy stodgy stuff!! A bit too hard to digest for MGNews especially when it’s PrimeTime Sunday Family Fun and not The Science Channel! Let’s bring in the piggies and ask them about Mayor Gnome’s troubles.
Good Old Grandma Stumpy:
Grandma Stumpy on the right.
I think that everything is getting a bit out of hand. Mayor Gnome is a Gnome…end of story. Why do you have go digging into his past? We piggies don’t care about the dichotomy whatsits…we care about Mayor Gnome. Stop stirring the wooden spoon, son!
Matilda Piggie:
Mayor Gnome will come good. I can feel it…he makes me gurgle!
Dishawn Piggie:
MGNews is the source of all the malcontent amongst our community; they continue to feed us with mis-information and mis-direction in order to trash our minds and intellect. Enough is enough…I am going underground with Mad T Mouse.
Oscar Piggie:
Boy, what a mad bunch of candidates…with a magical mouse, a gun-wielding maniac and a gnome-gone-crazy . Mad T Mouse is the best of the bad bunch and we haven’t got many screws to work with.
Gorgeous George Piggie:
Paradise Pastures.
My money’s on the meat pies.
Juanita Piggie:
No comment. Makes the sign of the Cross (Catholic Piggie).
Mayor Gnome has made himself unavailable for comment. He did however say to MGNews,”Bugger off, Leave me alone!”
Bugger Off!!
What a cheek! Anyway, tonight’s special was brought to you by MGNews PrimeTime Sunday. 6Pm Central/ Mountain Piggie Time.
Next week, more campaign blitzing from all candidates. The heat is on…only on MGNews PrimeTime Sunday.
Good Evening, this is MGNews PrimeTime Sunday bringing you the news on The Mayoral Elections 2015 of Paradise Pastures, hot off the press. Only 4 more weeks to go and we are all biting our nails with anticipation! Tonight, we give you the amazing inside story on Mayor Gnome.
The Mysterious Past of Mayor Gnome.
Natasha Hayes, our MGNews International Correspondent brings this special report from The Outback of Australia:
As we all have come to understand, Mayor Gnome has travelled far and wide, across the continents. The background is hazy but it seems that he spent a significant amount of time in continent of Australia. Reliable sources tell me that Aboriginal Gnomes may exist in the Northern Territory and so that’s where I went on this fact finding information. I spoke to some Aboriginal people who corroborated the information that Gnomes do exist in this rainforest terrain. They are described as hostile and aggressive creatures but on rare occasions, they do initiate non-aboriginal Gnomes into their community. We do know that Mayor Gnome spent some 2 to 3 years in that area. We can only speculate that he was in collusion with Aboriginal Gnomes. This is what an elderly aboriginal man from the Long grass told MGNews. To protect his identity, we will come him Scott:
“…Aboriginal Gnomes…they fast and aggressive. They hide in the shadows and when the sun glints in your eye, the come out like a burst of wind. They take your mind and your heart. Oh, I seen men go crazy, crazy for days with sorrow and woe from these Gnomes. They bad, terrible creatures. I heard a story, many years ago, there was one white gnome among them, as fierce as the rest. His name…The White Devil… I can’t tell you anymore. I fear I have said too much already…”
This is ground breaking news brought to you by MGNews. The facts all add up: A White Gnome in Australia called “The White Devil” and now, Mayor Gnome of Paradise Pastures has been dubbed “El Diablo Blanco.” Is this a coincidence? Is Mayor Gnome’s past catching up with him? One shudders to imagine the hideous, macabre deeds that he may have got up to with these Aboriginal Gnomes.
El Diablo Blanco.
Thank-you Ms. Natasha Hayes for such an insightful report. Well, we are all flabbergasted and at a loss for words. What a shocking inside story!!
What does the community of Paradise Pastures think of Mayor Gnome’s mysterious past? There were no piggies available for comment today because they were all too busy eating…
Guinea Pigs at Paradise Pastures.
Next week on MGNews PrimeTime Sunday, we speak to the panel of experts about this amazing revelation. 6Pm Central/ Mountain Piggie Time. You just can ‘t afford to miss MGNews next Sunday!!
Hello Everyone!! We had a nice relaxing day today…our first day off in three weeks from farm work. Sometimes, when we are on an agenda, we forget that we need a break now and then. I woke up this morning at 5am, which has been our usual wake up time, and said to Gnome that I did not wish to wake up! We got up at 6am, rather reluctantly because of the doggy and goosie wake-up calls.
Doggy wake up call: mad panting with spurts of whooping.
Our Mad Doggie.
Goosie wake up call: Honk Honk!! Every three minutes…like Snooze on an alarm clock…this is goosie snooze with no batteries required.
Goosie on the Farm.
(As an aside, Goosie even honks back at truck drivers because he thinks that they are big geese on wheels!!)
Anyway, there was way too much noise so we had to get up. We both agreed to take the day off because we just felt knackered. And so we watched a movie marathon of Around The World in 80 Days, a three part mini-series with Pierce Brosnan. It was 4 and 1/2 hours in total, with brief Munchkin snacks in between, and we really enjoyed it. Plus, I got a chance to ogle at Pierce Brosnan for all that time!!
Welcome back to MGNews PrimeTime Sunday brought to you by Casa Mascia Apothecary. This week we talk exclusively to Mayor Gnome himself. He’s hoping for a re-election for 2015. Let’s see what his campaign is all about.
Tuff Love. Nuff Said.
MGNews Reporter: Your excellency, Mayor Gnome, thank-you for agreeing to have this interview with MGNews. Tell us more about your New Look Campaign “Tough Love.”
Mayor Gnome: Kindness can be too soft and no results are gained from this. I am trying the mean and tough aspect to get Paradise Pastures back into shape.
MGNews Reporter: Some people think that you have had a personality change and you have been dubbed as “El Diablo Blanco”…what do you say to that?
Mayor Gnome: If people think I am Evil, then so be it!(HaaHaaHaa…rubs his palms together and laughs maniacally). El Diablo Blanco sounds super cool…good, good. (nods his head approvingly).
MGNews Reporter: What are your new policies for Paradise Pastures?
Mayor Gnome: I don’t have any.
MGNews Reporter: Why?
Mayor Gnome: Because those piggies are too stupid to understand anything and I don’t care! HaHa!! (more maniacal laughing).
MGNews Reporter: Well, thank-you Mayor Gnome for your disarming honesty. I suppose I could say that it was quite refreshing since you don’t get much of that in the world of politics. I wish you the best in your re-election campaign.
Mayor Gnome: HaHa!! (lots of cackling and tossing back of head).
No Rest For The Wicked!Mayor Gnome. Gets Raw.
What the Experts have to Say:
Dr. Munchkin (DRCOG), Medical Doctor of Paradise Pastures:
Dr. Munchkin
In my professional opinion, I feel that Mayor Gnome is suffering from a disorder known as “Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.” He is prone to fluctuation in mood and he appears emotionally unstable. He is also cackling a bit too much. I would recommend a that he takes some sick leave but it is virtually impossible for him to do so at such a critical election time.
Mayor Gnome’s Mother, an authority on her son’s personality:
Oh, I am sure he’ll be right…yes, yes, he is cackling a fair bit. He just needs a good cup of tea and those chocky biscuits (the orangey ones…jaffa cakes…that’s what he likes) and he’ll be as right as rain!
Archie Eagles, ordinary bloke on the street:
He’s as mad as a hatter. He’s not fit to raise a cactus let alone raise a bunch of guinea pigs!
Pedro Choc, another ordinary bloke on the street:
I like his bad ass attitude. Mayor Gnome rocks!!
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Well, there you go. The Doctor is worried, the Mother wants to give him a cup of tea and he is loved and hated by the people on the street. What is really going on with Mayor Gnome?? Next week, we bring you an exclusive inside story on Mayor Gnome. Maybe that will shed some light onto his personality change.
Don’t miss it…next week on MGNews PrimeTime Sunday. 6pm Central/Mountain Piggie Time.
Sunday Funday starts with MGNews. You better Belize it!!
Welcome to MGNews PrimeTime Sunday, sponsored today by Casa Mascia Apothecary, Belize.
Casa Mascia: Stay Clean For The Elections!
The Magical Rodent is in the running for Mayor of Paradise Pastures. She promises a “New Hope” for the piggies in leading them to a new underground civilisation where they will purposefully breed a “Guinea Pig Super Being” to take over the world. Popular media calls her the “Mad T Mouse”; today, we are giving her a chance to speak in this MGNews exclusive interview.
The Universe’s Super Being. Trust In Me.
MGNews Reporter: Good day Miss or may I call you Magical Rodent?
Magical Rodent: My name is Maddy T but please, call me Magical Rodent.
MGNews Reporter: Are you truly a Magical Rodent?
Magical Rodent: Young man! Don’t you see my magical staff of sorcery which I hold in my hand?
Staff of Sorcery.
I am a mammal of the order Rodentia. (She bares her teeth) See…single pair of incisors in my upper and lower jaw.
MGNews Reporter: Yeeess, Ma’am I do see your teeth! (takes a few steps back). Ok, back to the questions. What are your qualifications?
Magical Rodent: Magical Rodent Level 90, Mage. Certification for “fast-track” on-line course in genetics.
MGNews Reporter: Tell us about how you plan to breed the “Universe’s Super Being” from this guinea pig community.
Magical Rodent: Decades and decades of intensive breeding with emphasis on intelligence, telepathy and telekinetics.
MGNews Reporter: That is quite a mission! Do you think that the domesticated guinea pigs can survive out there in the wild?
Magical Rodent: Grrrrr!! (She bares her teeth again).
MGNews Reporter: Thank-you Magical Rodent for this interview. Good Luck!! (He beats a hasty retreat).
Together, We Can Take Over The World!
What the Experts Say:
Dr. Munchkin (DRCOG), Medical Doctor for Paradise Pastures:
Dr. Munchkin
Differential Diagnosis: Paranoid Schizoid or Schizotypal with delusions. Possibly due to brain damage, genetic or cultural inheritance. Requires psychiatric admission.
Mr. Carlton Speeting, Film Producer:
Great idea for a Hollywood block-buster Summer film: Magical Rodent leads her people to the chosen land, breeds a “Super Rat” to lead the people back to the surface to annihilate the humans. Awesome special effects. It is a Sci Fi Biblical Epic!! Of course, the humans would win out in the end…we can’t have the rats winning. I’m so excited, I’m already thinking about Sequels 2 to 5!
Awesome Epic Across Space and Time.
Mr. Jonathon Doe, ordinary bloke on the street:
It’s worth a try, eh? If it doesn’t work out, they can always come back?
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Well, the Magical Rodent sure knows how to intimidate the public. Is she the chosen one to lead the piggies or is she just stark raving mad?
Will she lead the piggies to the promised land?
Piggies, is Magical Rodent the Chosen One?
Remember,we are the first to give you the News on MGNews PrimeTime Sunday. 6pm Central/Mountain Piggie Time.
I know…she looks kinda friendly and sweet but believe me, our Beatrice doggy has been quite a handful right from the get go.
Our Mad Doggie.
We adopted her at age 1 from an old American lady in Punta Gorda (Ms. Letty). Everyone knows Ms. Letty because she has been around for a long, long time and now she is one of these retired old, harmless ladies who likes to while away her hours on a recliner watching American sitcoms. However, for reasons unknown to any of us (we have all speculated but can not find a logical answer) she acquired Beatrice as a puppy and wanted to raise her as a “house dog” in a her tiny, little house. Ms. Letty also owns a chihuahua so we are not sure why she insisted upon having a rotweiller/pitbull as another house pet. Anyway, the dog did not go according to plan since she ended up being energetic and feisty and far too big to be kept indoors. I think Ms. Letty tried really hard to hold onto Beatrice (one year of doggy bouncy madness) but what really clinched it in the end, was when Beatrice started eating the house walls.
At this point, we decided that we needed a farm dog and Ms. Letty was very happy to let Beatrice come to us since we had a huge place for the dog to run around in.
I will not even attempt to paint a romantic picture of this dog. She is a killer dog and she systematically killed one goose, five ducks and maimed one cat in the course of her time here. She seldom responds to commands (maybe “sit” sometimes). Otherwise, she is bouncing about, slobbering and whipping herself up into a killing frenzy for anything she can get her hands on. You will not believe the number of chances we have given her and each time, her killing instinct gets the better of her. In order to protect our animals, she is now regrettably tied up on a long chain and we take her on supervised walks (on the leash) through-out the day.
It is not a bad life for a dog on the farm but we would honestly like her to roam around freely without all these restrictions.
Beatrice is 3 years old now and we have decided to give it one more chance. Well, we saved our pennies up and bought a dog training collar. So far, we have been using it for 5 days only. And, I am very glad to say that she is responding really well, just to the beeping noise. She can respond to 4 commands already and she is behaving consistently. We are so pleased with our doggie rehabilitation; we are going to continue commands on the leash for another two weeks and the next step will be “off the leash.”
She Can “Sit” Now!
Our ultimate hope is that she can run freely around the farm eventually.
Also, after that, we need to move onto Doggy Rehab 2 with Shaneeka, the guinea-pig stalker. She also has quite a history but I will talk about her another time!
Welcome to MGNews, sponsored by Casa Mascia Apothecary. Mr. Arnold Wang has been shamelessly coined the “Pie Man” because of his desire to literally make all the piggies in the gated community of Paradise Pastures into guinea pig meat pies. This week, MGNews PrimeTime Sunday, offers Mr. Wang the chance to speak out.
No Messing Around With The Pie Man!
Here is an exclusive interview with Mr. Arnold Wang:
MGNews Reporter: Mr. Wang, thank-you for taking part in this interview with MGNews PrimeTime Sunday. Tell us, are you going to make meat pies out of the piggies?
Mr. Wang: Yes, I am. Not only will I make them into delicious pies but I will also make them rich!
MGNews Reporter: How will you make them rich?
Mr. Wang: I will take a portion of the guinea pig community and sell them “on the hoof” for instant cash sales. Furthermore, some of these piggies can be sold off as pets.
MGNews Reporter: How will you the guinea pigs profit from this?
Mr. Wang: I will build more breeding units for Paradise Pastures.
MGNews Reporter: Mr. Wang, you sound like quite an entrepreneur, do you think you sell yourself enough to become Mayor?
Mr.Wang: Definitely. We need pragmatism. We need money. As soon as the piggies realise that they exist only for the sake of making money, then they will come round to my way of thinking.
MGNews Reporter: Thank-you Mr. Wang. We wish you luck in your campaign.
Mr. Wang. The Man Who Can.Money, Money, Money For Paradise Pastures.
What the Experts Say:
Mr. Richie Rich is a successful cattle farmer in Belize:
This is the way to go. I certainly agree that the animals exist only for money-making and profit. It makes no sense to have them around for no other reason. Money always makes sense. The Guatemalans and the Mexicans will certainly bring in their Guinea Pig Trailers to buy them “on the hoof.” And if Mr. Wang wishes to add a higher value to his guinea pig operation, then he can consider his own brand of meat pies and sausages.
Ms. Melina Bottomley is a marketing expert from New York:
Marketing will be the way to go for Mr. Wang right from the get go. 50% of his profits should go back into marketing of Guinea Pig Pies. The marketing blitz is all that counts to clinch this sale. Newspapers, Radio, Television, The Works! He needs an angle though…mmm..probably “grass fed” and “organic” are words he should be using. Not to mention that the piggies are “free range” or “free voting” or whatever. This will work!
Brendan Beamer is an owner of a large chicken operation in Belize:
If it’s not chicken, he won’t be able to sell it!
Edgar Simpson is an ordinary bloke on the street:
Pretty intimidating…especially with the gun. Not sure if the piggies can handle such aggression. They might want to hire someone from Human Resources.
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Well, the Pie Man is certainly very confident with his economic forecast. Is this what the Piggies want on Paradise Pastures? Do they want to be bred for profit and no fun? Will he get their votes?
Tune in again next week to MGNews PrimeTime Sunday. 6pm Central/ Mountain Piggie Time.
Remember, it’s only Funday if you make it PrimeTime Sunday!
Reader’s Poll Results and Last Day before The Mayoral Elections 2015, Paradise Pastures!!
