Category Archives: Pets

Amusing, Belize, Pets

Looking For Love.

Another.Munchkin.Ugly.MonsterOur Goosie has finally given us permission to place an ad for him in this  Lonely Heart’s post.  His long term partner died three years ago of death-by-doggie and he now thinks that it is time to seek a new partner.

Let's Riot!!
Let’s Riot!!

Goosie is looking for a longterm female goose for fun, chaos and good times.  Also considering starting a family.

He has kindly given us his profile:

Name: Martin AKA Evil Goosie

Star Sign: Aries

Likes: Likes to peck small animals and children.  Likes to play “pinch the dog leg.”

Dislikes: People and dogs…actually has a disdain for all living things especially if cute and fluffy.

Food: Likes all yellow things including bananas, corn and velveta cheese.  Claims he is vegetarian but steals and eats chicken feet.

Political Allignment: Strong Anarchist tendencies.  Likes chaos,destruction and mayhem.

Religion: Discordianism.

Favourite quote: “Kill, Crush, Destroy.”

Favourite Film: Fight Club

Relevant Medical History: Wart of Evil removed.  Otherwise Fertile.

All applicants must be Geese.  Please send two passport photos with application.

Amusing, Belize, Construction, Farming, Pets, Philosophy

Zen Duckie Coup Is Ready!

Together

The Zen Garden is ready for the Zazen duckies  and they are just in time for a Full Moon Meditation.

Happy Duckies!
Happy Duckies!

What perfect timing!  The duckies wish to thank Mayor Gnome for his superb workmanship and stamina.

Mayor Gnome.
Mayor Gnome.

The Duckie Monastery is defined by specially chosen rocks and every single rock in the centrally placed pond was hand-picked and laid down by Mayor Gnome himself.  Within the grounds century plants have been placed at each corner and there is a  beautiful south-facing kenip tree which will provide dappled shade for meditation in the afternoon.

Zen Garden For Duckies.
Zen Garden For Duckies.

The duckies are very pleased and are ready for their 12 hour marathon meditation:

“We are ready to contemplate the meaning of life.”

Belize, Construction, Farming, Pets

A Pond For The Duckies!

1 Comment

Together

Everyday for the last two weeks, Gnome has been digging out a pond for the Duckies.  When Gnome was asked what machinery was used in the pond construction (I think they were expecting some sort of excavator in the answer) he replied with:

“A spade.”

Gnome Magic!
Gnome Magic!

The pond is situated in the middle of the Zen garden and lined with rocks.  Since the weather has been so dry, we were a bit dubious over whether it would get filled with rainwater.  I mentioned to Gnome with a twinkle in my eye:

“…well, since it is a Zen Garden, can we fill the pond with sand and rake ripples into it?  Do you think the Duckies would notice?”

Munchkin.Cute.Shot

No need to worry though…we had a constant drizzle today and the pond is getting nicely filled up.

Zazen Duckie Pond.
Zazen Duckie Pond.

Oh, and we have to thank our doggy for helping Gnome every morning.  She apparently thinks that a wheelbarrow should be pulled along by grasping the wheel with her teeth and dragging it along.  What a funny dog she is!   Gnome couldn’t resist shouting out to me to take a photograph…this is a picture of her in action.

Mad Doggie Fun!
Mad Doggie Fun!
Belize, Farming, Food, Mushrooms, Pets, Philosophy

Wee Wee Ant Fungus.

Munchkin.Hair.Flowing

The Wee Wee ants (or leaf cutter ants) are one of the most annoying things to any person wishing to grow their own plants and trees in Belize.  These pesky ants come out in formidable numbers harvesting vegetation (leaves, flowers and cut grass) as a nutritional substrate for their fungus.  They come out in such huge numbers, they are even capable of defoliating a tree in one night.  We know this because it happens on our farm!  One day, our tree is looking magnificent…the next day, it is totally destroyed!!

These ants usually form mounds above ground which lead down to their underground cities.  I call them “cities” because these nests can grow to 100 ft (30m) across with smaller radiating mounds growing to about 260ft (80m) and can house eight million ants.  Amazing!!

These wee wee  ants cultivate a fungus by feeding it with fresh cut plant material (ie. all our lovely plants and trees).  Furthermore, these ants carry a bacterium which protects the fungi from pests and molds.  This is a really nice symbiotic relationship…sometimes you wish that us humans could form a better mutualistic relatiionship with the planet in the same way as these ants!  The fungus is used to feed the ant larvae.

I asked Gnome,

“Why can’t humans behave properly like the ants and live in balance with the Earth?”

Gnome was in no mood for “love and light” and said:

Gnome.Angry.Look

“…because most of them are idiots!!”

Even though these ants are a real pest on our farm, I can’t help but admire them for their diligent activities.

The other day, we actually found a leaf-cutter colony above ground because it was hidden in a particularly overgrown area.

Above Ground Wee Wee Ant Nest.
Above Ground Wee Wee Ant Nest.

This is the fungus.  We tasted a bit of it and it was quite sweet and mushroom-like.  We are thinking of cultivating it to eat and like all this stuff, it probably has medicinal properties.  The duckies certainly liked the mushroom as you can see them chomping it down:

Duckies Eating Wee Wee Ant Fungus.
Duckies Eating Wee Wee Ant Fungus.

Another Gnome project to add to the never-ending list!!

Amusing, Belize, Pets, Philosophy

Paradise Piggies: School Of Life!

Another Meeting With Mayor Gnome.
Another Meeting With Mayor Gnome.

The Paradise Piggies are totally hogging the Blog space with their adamant requests to re-locate to the Monastery.  Mayor Gnome is building a Zen Garden to house the Zazen Duckies that have a genuine desire to meditate on the meaning of life.  In the last post the Piggies were trying to convince Mayor Gnome of their noble lofty values in a bid to move to the Monastery.  But somehow their message lost momentum when Treshawn requested having a baby first and Bob requested growing organic tomatoes and Barbie gave a mixed message about love, light and Jedi Piggies.  Mayor Gnome told them to come back when they could decide on a clear and coherent philosophy.

Now this is what the Paradise Piggies have come up with.  They would like to start up a School:

School Sign.
School Sign.

They want to call it The School of Life and the purpose of this place is to teach the “dance of life.”  In order to convince Mayor Gnome of their spiritual desires, they did a public demonstration with their best dance piggie.  This is Johnnie Daybreeze, dance piggie extraordinaire:

The Dance of Life.
The Dance of Life.
Dance of Life 2.
Dance of Life 2.
Strike a Pose!!
Strike The Pose!!

They even had a tune to go with the dance…you need to listen to this and imagine this dance piggie prancing in front of you:

Any comments from Mayor Gnome?

“Hmmmmmm…I need to think about this.”

Anything else Piggies?

“Yes, Mayor Gnome just one more request.  Can we change our name to Jedi Piggies by deed poll?”

Amusing, Belize, Pets, Philosophy

Emergency Meeting With Paradise Piggies.

Mayor Gnome called an emergency meeting with the Paradise Piggies earlier in the day.  If you have been following the events, you will know that Mayor Gnome is in the process of building a Zen garden to house the Zazen Duckies.  The Paradise Piggies have made a special request to move to the Monastery.

Zazen Duckies Inspecting Zen Monastery.
Zazen Duckies Inspecting Zen Monastery.

Today Mayor Gnome explained to the piggies that the moving of their gated community of Paradise Pastures would be no mean feat as their home weighs a whopping 100kg (200lb).  This would entail the movement of their home across a distance of 100 yards!  He explained to the piggies:

A Very Serious Mayor Gnome.
A Very Serious Mayor Gnome.

“Piggies, you need to convince me that you are serious about your spiritual goals because moving your house to the monastery will be a lot of hard work…”

Are the piggies ready for the next move?  These are a few answers from members of the Paradise Pastures community.

Treshawn Piggie:

Mother Piggie.
Treshawn Piggie.

“I’m ready…just need to have a baby first…”

Bob Piggie:

Georgie Piggie.
Bob Piggie.

“I’m ready…spirituality is the most important thing in my life but I need to grow some mmm…organic tomatoes first.”

Barbie Piggie:

Fifi Piggie.
Barbie Piggie.

“Yes I know I am ready and it is time to take the next step.  Yay…I want to be a Zazen Piggie!  It is all about being Jedi, right?  With the way of the Piggie, I will find the way…love and light.  The force is strong in this one…WEEEEEEEEE!”

In amongst the general piggie noise of squealing and squawking, these were the most intelligible answers that Mayor Gnome managed to get.  This was his reply:

“Piggies, you don’t seem know what you want.  Come back to me when you can all agree on a spiritual goal!”

Mayor Gnome.
Mayor Gnome.

“Jedi Piggies, huh?  Hmmmm…..what next?!”

Emergency Piggie Meeting.
Emergency Piggie Meeting.
Amusing, Belize, Pets

What’s Up Piggies?

What’s up Piggies?

Paradise Piggies.
Paradise Piggies.

The Piggies came out today to view the Zen Garden for the Zazen Duckies.

Zen Garden For Duckies.
Zen Garden For Duckies.

This is a public statement from the Paradise Piggies in the gated community of Paradise Pastures:

“Can we come too?  The jungle resort isn’t working out for us…a meditation retreat might be the answer.  Weeeeeee Weeeeee Weeeeee!!”

Mayor Gnome was asked to comment on this request:

Gnome.Writing.in.the.Library

“The piggies have to have serious intent to practice meditation.  This is not a weekend retreat, workshop or seminar….”

Piggies what do you say to this?

Paradise Piggies.
Paradise Piggies.

“Oh, just looking for a weekend reboot.”

 

Amusing, Belize, Pets

Doggie Update.

More.Bloody.Boots.Munchkin

This post is especially for two special ladies who were the previous owners of the doggies that we have on our farm…yes, you know who you are!!

Overweight Doggie.
Overweight Doggie.

We will start off with our Fat Doggie who can’t stop stuffing her face.. she likes to forage around the farm and eat copious amounts of fallen fruit and coconuts.  She is a whopping 88lbs in weight now!!  In an attempt to get her weight down, I have been feeding her a low calorie diet of rice, beans and green vegetables once daily only.  I have also been restricting the meal to half the usual amount.  She has been coping well with the new diet although, I do have to confess that she does whine and complain a fair bit.  No doggie treats allowed right now!

Oh, and this is Mad Doggie…

Mad Doggie.
Mad Doggie.

She is the one that used to eat walls and so her owner was forced to find a new home (our farm) for her.  After a whole string of mad and frenzied farm animal killings, she has calmed down considerably over the years.  We attribute some of these changes to self-therapeutic toad-licking  and the judicious use of a training collar.  Now, she can run around on the farm without attacking a single animal and she responds to commands.  Phew…we nearly gave up on her at one point but fortunately we have managed to train here.  Sit…good doggie!!

Belize, Pets, Philosophy

A Zen Garden For The Duckies.

Together

The Duckies have set up camp outside Mayor Gnome’s dwelling  and  are demanding MGNews coverage.  So what’s up?

Zen Duckies.
Zen Duckies.

The peaceful duckies have been chanting incessantly:

“Waaa  Waaa Waaaa….Waaa Waaa Waaaa…Waaa Waaa Waaaa…”

Everyday from dawn to dusk, they have bee protesting over their terrible living standards…the coup is getting old and bashed up and fails all  duckie coup guidelines.

Old Duckie Coup.
Old Duckie Coup.

Plus they are upset over the Paradise Piggies getting all the attention.  The spokes-duckie for the group stated:

“It’s not just about the Paradise Piggies!  We duckies want freedom too.  We ask Mayor Gnome to please grant us enough space to meditate, posture and stare into space to our heart’s content.”

But, the plot thickens…Evil Goosie is hatching a dastardly plan to convert the peace-loving group into Anarchists.  He’s spoiling for a riot or anything that involves violent pecking and general disorder.

Let's Riot!!
Let’s Riot!!

Mayor Gnome has been forced to work round the clock to restore order to the farm.

Mayor Gnome.
Mayor Gnome.

This is a public statement from Mayor Gnome addressing the duckie situation:

“Dear Duckies, I have meditated over your complaints and I will make things right!  Right Thought, Right Action.  We shall act speedily and build you a Zen Garden!”

In a later interview, Mayor Gnome confessed that he had to take control of the situation quickly.  He explained,

“I know what that Goosie is up to.  I don’t want this situation getting out of hand…it would be a major catastrophe if the duckies turned to anarchy..”

Yes indeed.  Mayor Gnome is true to his word and is building a Zen Garden for the Duckies.

Mayor Gnome Hard at Work.
Mayor Gnome Hard at Work.

The Zen Garden is a whopping 30 feet by 30 feet. That should be plenty of space for the Zazen Duckies!!

Zen Garden For Duckies.
Zen Garden For Duckies.

Hooray for the Zazen Duckies!!  We have a feeling that they might get some prime-time space on this Blog…the duckies’ endeavours on the contemplation of existence is indeed worth reading about.

Amusing, Belize, Fiction, Pets

New School For Paradise Piggies!!

Munchkin.Bossie

Yes I think it is about time we had another Paradise Piggies update…you know the friendly bunch of guinea pigs residing at the fictional gated community of Paradise Pastures. We don’t get much feedback on these posts so we wonder if anyone else gets the same amusing pleasure as we do in making up silly stories on Piggies in Paradise and Mayoral elections.  We suspect not…but hey…we guffaw over the guinea pig comments and Mayor Gnome antics.  I suppose that’s something.

This is an MGNews update bringing the latest thrilling exploits of the piggies in the best jungle resort in Belize.  Mayor Gnome has inaugurated the opening of a school in Paradise Pastures.  In other words, he’s put a sign up and said a few nice words.

School Sign.
School Sign.

A school to educate the next generation.

Paradise Pastures: The Next Generation.
Paradise Pastures: The Next Generation.

The piggies are really excited about the prospect of a school.  Here are a few comments from the residents of this fortunate community:

Dishawn-Piggie:

Grandma.Stumpy.Reception.Three.Piggies

” Power to the Piggies.  We need to preserve our art, culture and history!”

Penelope-Piggie:

Grandma.Stumpy.Reception.More.Piggies

“More science and engineering for the piggies!  We need to build rockets to the moon and have one common goal for the good of Piggie-kind!”

Well, this is certainly a good start to the year with lofty and inspiring thoughts.  A Big Thank-you to Isabel for the gift of the clay school plaque.  The piggies had a good chew on it but quickly realised that it was inedible.  They were asking if you could pleeeease  make a sign out of gingerbread next time…thanks in advance!

Piggie Education.
Piggie Education.