Category Archives: Amusing

Bean Bungle Burger!

Munchkin.UpsetJust the other day, Gnome had mentioned that we seemed to be  eating beans everyday.  Like a good Chinese woman, I blinked once and then placidly ignored his comment.  I am sure that all of you out there will understand that once in a while, especially during wild intense times of fermentation madness, one can get rather tired and have little energy left to cook fanciful foods daily.  Hence the reason why I haven’t been posting up recipes lately.

However, Gnome added insult to injury and did a big whopper of a bungle.  During Hatcho Miso preparation, he over-cooked a tonne of black beans which could not be used for miso making.  He left me with 40 cups (22 lbs or 10 kgs) of mushy black beans and urged me to “make them go away, please.”

Over-cooked Black Beans.
Over-cooked Black Beans.

And so with a teeny little ounce of creativity which I squeezed out by sheer willpower, I managed to create a recipe with the excess black beans.  They are bean burgers made with home-made coconut flour and rice flour; they are especially spicy with whole black peppers and chilli peppers.  I have called them Bean Bungle Burgers.

Bean Bungle Burgers.
Bean Bungle Burgers.

When we sat down to eat last night, Gnome rather sheepishly said, “the beans are good.”  I smiled and gave him a Chinese woman approving nod.

Another.Smiling.Gnome

 

Beef Jerky and Chilli Mead.

Gnome.Surprised.No.GlassesBrewing has come to an end…boo-hoo!  After completion of the Resurrection Metheglin there was one last brew bucket to be used and alas, this is what has happened, the final fermentation:  Black Pepper Beef Jerky and Chilli Metheglin.

All Buckets have been used.
My collection of trigeminal buckets.

The idea for this unusual mead had its inception from reading an old article on Cock Ale.  Apparently, an old, parboiled cock (a rooster, you sick folk ;-P) that has been flayed, stamped in a stone mortar and put in a sack with other aromatic goodies can be steeped into ale to add just a little bit more body!  Well, with a leap of tangential thinking, derailment and frank thought disorder, I took Cock Ale and got…ta-da…Beef Jerky Mead with Chilli!

Black Pepper Seasoned Beef Jerky Ready to be Simmered.
Black Pepper Seasoned Beef Jerky Ready to be Simmered.

Extrapolating (or intrapolating or just plain guesstimating) from the original recipe of one cock for 10 gallons of ale…and making some assumptions as to the size of your average Belizean cock; and, also, considering the difference in flavour between fowl and beef…we settled on 250g of beef jerky for five gallons of mead.

This is the amount of chilli pepper we used:

Pepper for Beef Jerky Mead.
Pepper for Beef Jerky Mead.

…a nice, wild hybrid of jalapeno (sorry, no tilde) and bird pepper that turns purple before red.

I aimed for a slightly higher strength of alcohol than usual (6-7% alcohol) in order to better hold the expected heaviness from the beef and chilli; which in this case, was achieved with four and a half “quarts” of Belizean Rainforest Honey…

Belize Honey "Quarts."
Belize Honey “Quarts.”

The beef jerky was simmered with half the chilli for about an hour without the honey, making a nice and spicy beef broth.  After which, the honey was added and brought to the boil for a second before cooling and pouring into the brew bucket.  The yeast used was my standard “evolving” lager yeast.

Let’s see how it turns out!

Washing Machine On A Car, Iguanas and Mystery Beer.

Full.Length.MunchkinThis title sums up up the last three days since we have missed a couple of daily posts.  Firstly, we have been on the road again and as usual played our “Fridge on a Pick-em Up” game in which there is a points system allocated to various white goods, and assorted loads spotted on the back of pick-up trucks.  The fridge gives the highest score of 1000 points hence the given name.  Well, look what we managed to find on our travels!!  Gnome says, “This Changes Everything.”

Washing Machine on a Car!
Washing Machine on a Car!

This is white goods on a car…not a pick-em up!  With the eye of faith, the driver who is on the left-hand side has his arm up to help secure the load…we know that because we overtook him (but, I was in too much of a tizz to get another drive-by shot) and he had no free hands to give the customary cordial wave.

Gnome commented rather blandly,” We are going to have to change the points system.”

Hmmm…yes, indeed we do!

Onto the next thing: It has been pouring down the last 5 days in Toledo.  This sudden, unexpected wet spurt during the dry season is called “The Iguana Rains” because the rain is supposed to soften the earth for the iguanas to lay their eggs.  This happens every year without fail…but we have noticed that every year, people forget about this anomaly and scratch their head wondering why it is wet during the dry season.  And, as if by magic, we had a lovely iguana appear on our water tank today; I am sure he/she knows what the rains are for!

Hello Mr. Iguana!
Hello Mr. Iguana!

He was nice enough to pose for a second picture since I saved him from our Shaneeka-Doggie:

Second Pose.
Second Pose.

And, last but not least: do you remember when Gnome was making a mysterious fermented drink that required my nice lilac sheets?

Mystery Beer!
Mystery Beer!

The mystery beer was unveiled today with a tasting and bottling:

Siphoning Beer.
Siphoning Beer.

Gnome is happy with the clarity:

Mystery Beer.
Mystery Beer.

The Beer is Rice-Banana-Coffee all rolled into one!  Who would have thunk it!!  Still tastes very young with a roasted aroma from the coffee.

Paradise Piggies: It’s Raining Bananas, Hallelujah!

Together.PointingIt was a really, really hot day today…so hot that it felt like we were walking in painfully slow motion, trying to wade through heat.  And so, after miso making duties this morning, I had more munchkin duties to attend with.  One of the main things was to process (cut and dip in lime juice solution) a whole bunch of ripe bananas and sun-dry them.  Phew…I couldn’t take the thought of cutting about fifty bananas in the baking heat!  I bleated in despair through a sweaty head of hair at Gnome and as usual, he managed to turn the situation into a positive one.  And, so Gnome declared, “Let the bananas rain down on my piggies!”

Today has been officially named National Piggie Day in Belize.  To commemorate this day, a gift of sweet bananas was given to the community of Paradise Pastures.

Yay!! Bananas!! Chomp, Chomp.
Yay!! Bananas!! Chomp, Chomp.

In addition, Gnome personally made a Pom Toy (courtesy of Piggieworld) with 5 pieces of coloured yarn and a fork.

Mayor Gnome Loves His Piggies!!
Mayor Gnome Loves His Piggies!!
Piggie Pom Toy Made By Mayor Gnome.
Piggie Pom Toy Made By Mayor Gnome.

Official inspection of Pom Toy.  Our rural piggies are not sure what to make of it…can you eat it?!

Piggie Inspection.
Piggie Inspection.

Remember to mark on your calendar: 24th of March is now officially National Piggie Day in Belize.  We might get them to wear national costume next year!!

Paradise Piggies: What New Beauties!!

TogetherEverything is pretty peachy at Paradise Pastures presently.  Last night, our first mother was admitted into the brand new maternity ward with cervical dilatation and contractions.  Later on this afternoon, the proud first time mother gave birth to two beautiful female babes:

Baby Dehlia-Piggie. Oh, what a beauty!!
Baby Dehlia-Piggie. Oh, what a beauty!!
Dehlia-Piggie Frolicking.  Moving all four limbs!!
Dehlia-Piggie Frolicking. Moving all four limbs!!
Juanita-Piggie.  Perfect Poise.
Juanita-Piggie. Perfect Poise.

All Piggies are happy and making their happy noises; their hearts sing out to Mayor Gnome for providing the Maternity Ward.

The Susan B Anthony Maternity Wing.
The Susan B Anthony Maternity Wing.

The Susan B Anthony Maternity Ward comes fully equipped with water, biscuits (Cachorros) on tap, plenty of leafy greens, cabbage and a Midwife!!  Mayor Gnome has certainly pulled out all the stops for this spacious facility.

Mayor Gnome:

Looking Good!!
Looking Good!!

Back on Track…Mayor Gnome Does it Again!!

Paradise Piggies: Mayor Gnome Restores Confidence.

TogetherAfter last week’s tragic case in which three young guinea pigs were snatched from the gated community, life has not been the same for the citizens of Paradise Pastures.

Mayor Gnome offered his condolences for the two lost babies.  A gift of fresh grass was given to the community:

A Gift of Grass For The Piggies.
A Gift of Grass For The Piggies.

This was not enough to sweeten the Piggies as all hell broke loose soon after with squabbling, squeaking, squealing and general mis-conduct.  Two days ago, the surviving baby guinea pig tragically passed away:

Piggy Chloe.
Piggy Chloe.

Mayor Gnome’s attempt at a Filibuster was met by angry Piggie wild fire.  The community of Paradise Piggies demanded immediate action and resolution.

Our Mayor Gnome has come good and restored confidence to the Paradise Piggies!  He has built 4 new luxury condominiums and one of them is the maternity ward:

Piggie Maternity Ward.
Piggie Maternity Ward.
Official Piggie Inspection of Condos.
Official Piggie Inspection of Condos.

The Piggies are absolutely delighted by this new and hurried construction and they feel that they can “re-build” the community from here.  There was a heart-felt gurgle of pleasure when they inspected the facility.  And, in addition to this, Mayor Gnome has installed a delinquent “time out” area to house hooligan piggies.  This is called Southpointe:

Southpointe Delinquent Suite.
Southpointe Delinquent Suite.

Hooray for Mayor Gnome!!  Our Hero!!

He Gets Things Done.
He Gets Things Done.

Piggie Paradise: Tragedy and Fortune in One Day.

Munchkin.in.the.WindIn the early hours of Thursday morning, on the 19th of February, foul play was afoot and a heinous crime was committed at Paradise Pastures, the gated community for Guinea Pigs.  A one foot deep hole was dug beneath the cage and three newly born piggies were snatched from their cradle.

Paradise Piggies.
Paradise Piggies.

Gnome was at the Scene of the Crime a few hours later; the scene was one of devastation and distress.

Scene of the Crime.
Scene of the Crime.

Paradise Pastures was quickly secured and placed in a protected area.  Gnome and Munchkin combed the surrounding land looking for the remains of the three missing baby piggies.  And, alas the diligence was paid off as one live piggie was found, unharmed and safe.

One Baby Piggy Found Alive and Well.
One Baby Piggy Found Alive and Well.

Tragedy and fortune came hand in hand on this fateful day.  Meanwhile, the criminal has been apprehended and remanded to custody with bail set at $500.

Shaneeka-Doggy, Guilty as Charged.
Shaneeka-Doggy, Guilty as Charged.

The piggies at Paradise Pastures are up in arms over this crime.  They have petitioned Mayor Gnome to build a secure “Mother and Baby” facility.

Gnome.at.DeskMayor Gnome must concede to their demands or else he might find himself bang in the middle of a Piggy Riot.  And we don’t want that, do we?!

A Good Day For Custard!!

Food.MunchkinIt has been really cold lately with temperatures reaching as low as 15C (60F) down here in Toledo, Belize.  We have been freezing and Gnome is walking about with his woolly hat on indoors which makes him look even more gnomish!  Over the last few days, Gnome has been craving hot custard and has requested it on numerous occasions.  A few days ago I attempted to make custard and it went all lumpy and I got rather upset about it because I had used some of our delicious duck eggs.  Yesterday, when we went into Punta Gorda to do some shopping, we even looked for custard powder to buy.  But alas, there were none to be found.  And the Chinese shop-keepers gave me a befuddled look when I asked them if they had any.

Nevertheless, I still felt the need to make hot custard for the Gnome and today I finally succeeded!  We were so happy that we had a double helping of hot custard each:

Hot Custard.
Hot Custard.

The custard turned out silky and smooth…I was soooo pleased.  I found that the trick is to take it off the heat as soon as it starts thickening and to whisk it for another five minutes after removing it from the stove.

Yeah…we are both warm and toasty now.  Custard Crisis is over!!

Soap-making, Selling, Doctoring and Waiting!

Munchkin.WailingToday we did a combination of things; the first thing was making soap which actually spans through the entire day.  We begin by mixing and pouring the soap into molds.  Later in the day, once the soap has hardened and done its magic, Gnome cuts it one by one with a wire implement; this is actually the longest part of the procedure and can take him about 2 to 3 hours to cut a whole batch of soap.  The soaps that we made today are Chocolate Vanilla which involved the addition of essential oils.  At first, you will see that the oils actually cause a lack of uniformity of colour:

Freshly Made Soaps with Essential Oil.
Freshly Made Soaps with Essential Oil.

As the soap ages, the blotchy appearance does fade and it takes on a smooth finish as you can see from the next picture:

Cured Soap.
Cured Soap.

This soap is a custom order and will be hand-stamped one by one over the next few days.  Phew..making soap actually requires time and dedication!

I had to put on my “selling hat” today and show samples of our products to hotel management.  Honestly…I don’t like this part because I feel like I am going through a script and I feel so automatic and robotic.  You can see that I have not been to marketing school and what I would like to say is, “buy my stuff, it’s good ****!”

In between all of that, we saw some patients and did some doctoring.

Also, I had to queue up in a bank and a post office and it was painfully slow!  This was actually the worst part of the day. Remember that every person in front of you is an additional 15 minute wait.  Aaarrghh!!

Lastly, we saw a Fridge on a Pick-up, which is worth a 1000 points!!  Donum Bonum!

On The Road.

Munchkin.Another.Look Hello Everyone!  We haven’t written for a while because we have been on the road traveling to Belize City and back.

As usual, we played our Pick-em Up Game and we saw 3 fridges this time.  That means 3000 points!!  Did not manage to get photos so you have to trust us on the numbers.  However, here is a freezer which gives us 850 points…

Freezer on a Pick-up.
Freezer on a Pick-up.

We also spotted tractor wheels…

Tractor Wheels.
Tractor Wheels.

And, here is a side view when we passed them…

Two Tractor Wheels.
Two Tractor Wheels.

Tractor Wheels are 500 points each and it was a bonus to over-take the truck and realise that there were two wheels.

Total number of points: 4850.

Here is a nice picture of Hummingbird Highway with the Maya Mountains:

Maya Mountains.
Maya Mountains.

More Gnome and Munchkin stuff next week!