Tag Archives: Paradise Piggies

A Purpose For The Piggies.

The beginnings were delicate times when we first set about procuring our first generation of guinea pigs.  We were looking for new blood, so-to-speak, and made a long and arduous journey crossing borders by sea and by road, to gain our progeny. Our first piggies were only about 12 weeks old; a long-haired tawny brown called “The Kid,” a blonde girlie named “Honey” and of course, the Grandmother of all our Piggies: Vanessa aka Stumpy.  Vanessa suffered a fracture of her tibia during the transportation and had a successful below knee amputation once she reached the safe house.  Lovely Grandma Stumpy out-lived the other two original piggies and went on to produce generations for us.  She lived a very good life and died a couple of years ago; Grandma Stumpy you will always live on in our memories.

GrandMa Stumpy.

The original concept of guinea pig rearing was for food.  We had seen some rather tempting Peruvian guinea pig dishes (mostly fried in batter like fried chicken) and thought that they might be rather tasty.  The first houses were coined “The Hanging Gardens of Babylon” because they were wire cages suspended from rafters.  A few generations of piggies started in this first construction but it finally had to discarded after doggy sabotage.  The dog would spring up from her hind legs and attempt to break the bottom of the cages with her teeth.  She was eventually successful and had a feast with quite a few of them.

Meanwhile, we attempted also to sample the fine epicurean delights of guinea pig.  This is Piggies Cooked in Mead:

Three Piggies Cooking in Mead.

I have written on the finer points of cleaning guinea pig carcass in previous posts so I won’t go into the detail.  They are actually quite bony so actually provide a good skin for stuffing….in this case, these piggies were stuffed with marinated pork meat.  Anyway, it did taste good but it was a lot of hard work.  Besides, we didn’t feel quite right about eating our cute and cuddly pets.  They looked so harmless and helpless…yes, we felt like such awful predators!

Cheery Guinea Pig.

After some philosophical talks and drinking of mead, we decided that the eating of piggies did not sit right for us.  So what to do with them?  We feel that everything on our farm should have a purpose.

For some time, we used them like cows and put them on a movable cage so that we could have sections of grass mowed naturally.  There was an upstairs and ramps to go downstairs to eat grass.  Gnome’s idea of course!

Guinea Pig Mower.

This was dubbed the gated community of “Paradise Pastures” and lasted quite a while.  The cage was rather heavy so proved quite a chore to move.  But alas, we hit a snag with the dog….there is a whole story with this one.  Anyway, the dog dug a hole in the ground and managed to get her paws into the cage!

Okay, then we had to re-model the cage with security features: we decided on a condo type resort thing with majestic hilltop views but no access to the bottom.

Piggie Condos.

There was a lot of unhappiness, squeaking and squawking and general mayhem with the new changes.  The piggies couldn’t find a purpose on the farm.  We even set up a dance/yoga studio for them with there own teacher:

Johnny Daybreeze.

Nah…that didn’t work either.  Finally….and this is where they are now…they have been placed with the Zazen Duckies in the Zen Garden.

Piggies in Zen Garden.

And then we had a surprise hatching of a lone duckie last month:

Duckie!!

Munchkin and Gnome did their best to do Duckie Parenting and placed lone duckie in the guinea pig crèche:

Duckie and Piggies.

It has worked out so well.  Duckie house-cleans for the piggies by eating up the grubs and creepy crawlies and learns to eat greens with them.  They are all friends and get along very well.  Duckie is getting bigger with the house cleaning:

Duckie Growing Up!

So, because of the success of this pilot project we have decided to incorporate the piggies into the cycle of duckling rearing.  This is because our mallard ducks are not good mothers (very scatty, forgetful and silly…no, I mean that they are usually too busy meditating!).  The piggies have a new purpose on the farm now!!

Zazen Piggies!!

Mayor Gnome Gets it Done!
Mayor Gnome Gets it Done!

Mayor Gnome was true to his word and moved the piggies to the Zen Garden this morning.  The Big Move:

Piggie Home.
Piggie Home.

Concrete blocks make great little cubby holes for shelter from the rain.

Piggie Development.
Piggie Development.

Zen Piggie Home:

Piggie Home.
Piggie Home.

Master Zazen Duckie greeted the piggies and gave a rousing welcome speech to the new residents.

Master Zazen Duckie.
Master Zazen Duckie.

At the end of the speech, the Duckies invited them for a group meditation.  This is what the piggies said:

“We’ve still got some packing to do love…and then we need to eat a whole bunch of grass.  Maybe see you laterz!!”

Zazen Duckie replied with:

“I see you need to learn discipline…that is so.”

Big Move For The Piggies!

Lots.of.Piggies

The Piggies have been grumbling a lot lately…about the weather, you know the usual stuff that we all get miserable about.  On top of all that, their Yoga teacher left a couple of months ago to the greener pastures of San Antonio.  There has been a lot of squealing, squeaking and squawking and general complaining on Coco-Prune Resorts.  Of course Mayor Gnome was awfully concerned for the emotional welfare of the community of Paradise Piggies and held a meeting to find a solution.

Mayor Gnome: “How can I make life better for the gated community of Paradise Pastures/ Coco-Prune Resorts and Condos?”

gnome-shiny-glasses.png

Piggies: “There is nothing to do at the resort…it’s so boring!!  What are we supposed to do in the condos…watch telly all day?”

We Are Bored!!
We Are Bored!!

Piggies: “We need a reason to live…we need to find meaning in life!”

Gnome: “Okay, Piggies, it looks like you have done all your frolicking and fun and now you want some spiritual food.  I know what you need!”

Piggies: “Oh Mayor Gnome, what are you going to do?”

Gnome: “We’re moving you to the Zen Garden.  The Zazen Duckies can help you lot get back on your feet!  No more resorts!!”

Zen Garden For Duckies and Piggies.
Zen Garden For Duckies and Piggies.

Tune in tomorrow (if you are really bored and have nothing else to do) for THE BIG MOVE!!  How exciting, can’t wait….

Goodbye Johnny Daybreeze!

GoodBye From Mayor Gnome.
Goodbye From Mayor Gnome.

Our resident yoga teacher, Johnny Daybreeze, at Coco-Prune Resort and Residences, left today to take up a new position at the bright pastures of San Antonio.

Piggie Condos.
Coco-Prune Residences.
Johnny Daybreeze.
Johnny Daybreeze.

Goodbye Johnny Daybreeze and good luck with your choreography career!

There is now a position as Yoga Instructor available at Coco-Prune Resort; application is open to guinea pigs only with yoga certification. Please send your curriculum vitae (with two passport sized photos, police report and character references) to Casa Mascia!

Gnome Paradise Resorts.

The High Velocity Cleansing Power of Sulphur.

Reserve the Ultimate Gnome Paradise Resorts now!  Nestled in the Maya Mountains of Toledo with stunning roof top vista views, you can’t beat the maximal velocity feeling of “I’ve made it.”  Coco-Prune Resorts…the Best Resort for the discerning guinea pig.  Check out the New-Look Condos…compact luxury for an easy-living life-style.

Luxury Condos.
Luxury Condos.
Coco-Prune Superb Vistas.
Coco-Prune Superb Vistas.

Gnome Coco-Prune Resorts: The Better Way to Get-a-Way.  New Spa and Yoga on site soon!!

We have to have Yoga!!

Strike.a.Pose.Piggies

More Rain Please!!

Munchkin.Back.ViewWe have been waiting for the “Iguana Rains” for two days now.  At 5pm today we had a slight drizzle but not enough to fill two large water tanks.  C’mon then…let’s have a downpour, if not for us, but for the sake of the iguana population; they need wet ground to lay their eggs:

Water!! Yes please!!
Water!! Yes please!!

The Zazen duckies are also calling for rains through space and time; they need clean water for daily ablutions in the Zen Garden…it is imperative that the dabbling duckies are cleansed for meditation…

Water For The Zen Pond.
Water For The Zen Pond.

And the Paradise Piggies (aka Jedi Piggies, aka Ewok piggies…not officially, mind you) have jumped on the band wagon and are weee-weee-ing for water too.

It’s all in the name of a good cause!

Water Please!!
Water Please!!

Anyone know a Rain Dance that is guaranteed to work…100% scientifically proven, double-blind trial?!

How Many Zazen Duckies Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?

Together.PointingAnswer: None.  Zazen Duckies carry their own light.

Zazen Duckies.
Zazen Duckies.

Yes, the Zazen Duckies are meditating under the dappled shade of the kenip tree.  They have even made a nesting spot out of old century plants…completely ignoring the modern luxury nests built to international ISO quality standards.  The Duckies are doing are it “the organic way.”

Oh, what’s that funny noise….

Oi!!  WEEEE WEEEEE!!! What about us??!  Has Mayor Gnome forgotten about us?!!”

Oi What about Us?
Oi What about Us?

Mayor Gnome’s reply:

“Personally I don’t think any of you have a clue about spiritual intent but I am willing to give you a chance.  Mayor Gnome always gives chances…get ready for the big move to the Zen Garden!”

Mayor Gnome Shows Grace.
Mayor Gnome Shows Grace.

“…oh, and by the way, I contacted George Lucas…you can’t change your name to the Jedi Piggies.”

The Piggies:

“Can we change to the Ewok Piggies instead, then?”

Ewok Piggies?
Ewok Piggies

Paradise Piggies: School Of Life!

Another Meeting With Mayor Gnome.
Another Meeting With Mayor Gnome.

The Paradise Piggies are totally hogging the Blog space with their adamant requests to re-locate to the Monastery.  Mayor Gnome is building a Zen Garden to house the Zazen Duckies that have a genuine desire to meditate on the meaning of life.  In the last post the Piggies were trying to convince Mayor Gnome of their noble lofty values in a bid to move to the Monastery.  But somehow their message lost momentum when Treshawn requested having a baby first and Bob requested growing organic tomatoes and Barbie gave a mixed message about love, light and Jedi Piggies.  Mayor Gnome told them to come back when they could decide on a clear and coherent philosophy.

Now this is what the Paradise Piggies have come up with.  They would like to start up a School:

School Sign.
School Sign.

They want to call it The School of Life and the purpose of this place is to teach the “dance of life.”  In order to convince Mayor Gnome of their spiritual desires, they did a public demonstration with their best dance piggie.  This is Johnnie Daybreeze, dance piggie extraordinaire:

The Dance of Life.
The Dance of Life.
Dance of Life 2.
Dance of Life 2.
Strike a Pose!!
Strike The Pose!!

They even had a tune to go with the dance…you need to listen to this and imagine this dance piggie prancing in front of you:

Any comments from Mayor Gnome?

“Hmmmmmm…I need to think about this.”

Anything else Piggies?

“Yes, Mayor Gnome just one more request.  Can we change our name to Jedi Piggies by deed poll?”

Emergency Meeting With Paradise Piggies.

Mayor Gnome called an emergency meeting with the Paradise Piggies earlier in the day.  If you have been following the events, you will know that Mayor Gnome is in the process of building a Zen garden to house the Zazen Duckies.  The Paradise Piggies have made a special request to move to the Monastery.

Zazen Duckies Inspecting Zen Monastery.
Zazen Duckies Inspecting Zen Monastery.

Today Mayor Gnome explained to the piggies that the moving of their gated community of Paradise Pastures would be no mean feat as their home weighs a whopping 100kg (200lb).  This would entail the movement of their home across a distance of 100 yards!  He explained to the piggies:

A Very Serious Mayor Gnome.
A Very Serious Mayor Gnome.

“Piggies, you need to convince me that you are serious about your spiritual goals because moving your house to the monastery will be a lot of hard work…”

Are the piggies ready for the next move?  These are a few answers from members of the Paradise Pastures community.

Treshawn Piggie:

Mother Piggie.
Treshawn Piggie.

“I’m ready…just need to have a baby first…”

Bob Piggie:

Georgie Piggie.
Bob Piggie.

“I’m ready…spirituality is the most important thing in my life but I need to grow some mmm…organic tomatoes first.”

Barbie Piggie:

Fifi Piggie.
Barbie Piggie.

“Yes I know I am ready and it is time to take the next step.  Yay…I want to be a Zazen Piggie!  It is all about being Jedi, right?  With the way of the Piggie, I will find the way…love and light.  The force is strong in this one…WEEEEEEEEE!”

In amongst the general piggie noise of squealing and squawking, these were the most intelligible answers that Mayor Gnome managed to get.  This was his reply:

“Piggies, you don’t seem know what you want.  Come back to me when you can all agree on a spiritual goal!”

Mayor Gnome.
Mayor Gnome.

“Jedi Piggies, huh?  Hmmmm…..what next?!”

Emergency Piggie Meeting.
Emergency Piggie Meeting.

What’s Up Piggies?

What’s up Piggies?

Paradise Piggies.
Paradise Piggies.

The Piggies came out today to view the Zen Garden for the Zazen Duckies.

Zen Garden For Duckies.
Zen Garden For Duckies.

This is a public statement from the Paradise Piggies in the gated community of Paradise Pastures:

“Can we come too?  The jungle resort isn’t working out for us…a meditation retreat might be the answer.  Weeeeeee Weeeeee Weeeeee!!”

Mayor Gnome was asked to comment on this request:

Gnome.Writing.in.the.Library

“The piggies have to have serious intent to practice meditation.  This is not a weekend retreat, workshop or seminar….”

Piggies what do you say to this?

Paradise Piggies.
Paradise Piggies.

“Oh, just looking for a weekend reboot.”